90 Days of Cabenson
by DaniiButNotBeck
Summary: A collection of unrelated Cabenson drabbles.
1. Chapter 1

**Day 1: The night was starless and humid.**

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* * *

Though the night is chilly, the humidity is oppressive, and as Olivia lies in the grass behind the Stabler house, she realizes that the heaviness of the air is crushing her almost as much as the grief that has settled in her heart and is currently radiating throughout her body. She shuts her eyes and tries not to relive the events of the day.

The slider door opens and she hears Elliot's heavy steps on the porch, followed by the scraping of metal chair legs against wood and the pop and fizz of a can being opened. "Kathy made up the couch for you," he says after several long, quiet moments.

"Thanks," Olivia says quietly, "but I should go home." She sits up and rubs at her tired eyes. "I won't make very good company tonight."

"You shouldn't be alone."

Olivia scoffs. "I'm used to it."

Elliot rolls his eyes, though he knows Olivia can't see him. "Kathy's worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"You buried your girlfriend today."

Olivia winces, feeling the sting of that simple sentence more than any physical wound she has ever received. "Her parents buried their child."

Elliot stands up and crosses the yard. Sitting on the ground next to Olivia, he says, "You're allowed to grieve, Liv."

"I said I'm fine, Elliot," Olivia snaps. She sighs and lies in the grass again. "Do you think she's ever coming back?" she asks, her voice breaking slightly.

"Alex? Yeah, of course." He chuckles quietly. "Who else is going to keep us out of trouble?"

Olivia smiles and lets her mind wander to the day that Alex will walk into the precinct and say those same words, and suddenly the ache in her chest hurts just a little bit less.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Day 2: It was the scariest thing she had ever seen.**

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Season 14. Pre-established Cabenson.

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* * *

The walls of the waiting room are painted a pastel pink with light blue borders. Olivia sits in the chair closest to the door with her back against the wall, he fingers drumming subconsciously against her knee.

"Relax," Alex says, placing her hand atop Olivia's, effectively stilling the motion of her fingers. "Everything's going to be fine."

"I know," Olivia snaps. She lets out a harsh breath and runs her hand through her long hair. "I'm sorry."

Alex smiles softly. "You're nervous; I understand."

"We've been trying for fourteen months."

"Maybe the fourth time's the charm."

"Alexandra Cabot," a nurse says from the doorway. "This way please." Alex stands up and takes Olivia's hand as the nurse leads them through the maze of hallways to a dimly-lit room at the end of a back corridor. "Lie on the table; the tech will be in momentarily." She flashes them a smile and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

Alex lies on the table and smiles as Olivia refuses to let go of her hand. She gives Olivia's hand a gentle squeeze. "Don't be nervous."

"I'm worried about you. We can't keep doing this to your body."

"I'll be fine, Liv."

There is a light knock on the door and it opens slowly to reveal a cheerful, red-headed woman. "Good morning," she says, closing the door and sitting on the rolling stool in front of the ultrasound machine. "How are we today?"

"Terrific," Alex says, giving Olivia's hand another light squeeze.

"Are you ready?" the tech asks. At Alex's nod, she picks up a bottle of ultrasound gel and squeezes some on to Alex's exposed lower abdomen. Alex shivers involuntarily. The tech smiles. "I should've told you it was going to be cold."

Olivia waits with bated breath as the tech runs the transducer over Alex's abdomen.

"Ah," she exclaims after several long moments. She turns the computer toward Alex and Olivia and points to a peanut-shaped blob on the screen.

It's terrifying.

It's exhilarating.

It's…

"Our baby," Olivia whispers, her lips forming a wide smile. "It's our baby."

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	3. Chapter 3

**Day 3: I have to do this.**

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Season 11, "Witness". Pre-established Cabenson

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* * *

Shoulders slumped, Olivia unlocks the door and pushes it open, tossing her keys in the bowl on the table as she passes it. Passing through the living room to get to the kitchen, she sees Alex sitting on the couch, her legs tucked underneath her, her eyes red and glossy from crying. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, she returns to the living room and sits on the opposite end of the couch.

The silence is palpable.

In a sad attempt at breaking the tension, Alex says, "There's a land called Passive Aggressiva, and you are its queen."

Unfortunately, Olivia doesn't laugh, and the tension increases tenfold.

Olivia takes a sip of her water. "You could've told me."

"I didn't know how."

"So you thought you would just up and leave?" Olivia scoffs. "That's your trademark move, Alex."

Alex winces; the truth of the words stings like a slap to the face. "I just needed to find the right words."

After a moment, Olivia says, "I'm not mad that you're going." She sighs. "I just wish we'd had a chance to discuss it."

Alex chuckles mirthlessly, her demeanor switching from defensive to offensive in the blink of an eye. "A chance to discuss it? When was our chance to discuss your formal request for a new ADA?" She stands up and stalks to the bedroom.

The sound of the slamming door is unnecessarily loud in the silent apartment.

Olivia waits a few moments before following Alex. She knocks lightly on the bedroom door. "I'm sorry," she says when there isn't a response. She hears Alex's sniffle through the door.

"Sorry can't fix everything." Alex sighs. "I have to do this, Liv."

"I know. When do you leave?"

"I have to go to DC this weekend to fill out some paperwork. Then I leave for the Congo in two weeks."

"Oh." Olivia nods. "Do you want me to go to DC with you?"

"Yes," Alex says quickly, "I do." She opens the door and smiles shyly at Olivia. "Will you come to bed, Liv?"

Olivia doesn't need to be asked twice.

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* * *

AN: I used a quote from episode 2x13 of Grey's Anatomy in this one. It does not belong to me. Also, I want to thank everyone that's read, reviewed, favorited, and followed this. You're all so incredibly sweet.


	4. Chapter 4

**Day 4: The floorboard creaked.**

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One year after "Loss"

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* * *

The first snowfall of the year comes on the first anniversary of Alex's "death". Olivia lies in bed, staring up at the fan on the ceiling of her darkened bedroom. The steady _whoosh, whoosh, whoosh _of the fan keeps her calm, despite the war raging in her mind and the same old empty feeling quickly spreading throughout her body.

She closes her eyes, finally succumbing to the war. Unbridled memories come rushing in, flooding her with loss and longing.

…

* * *

…

_The stark white walls and bright lights of the emergency room are overwhelming. Olivia stumbles in behind the gurney transporting Alex to the operating room, and flashes her badge at the nearest nurse. She hears herself speaking, but she'll be damned if she can remember anything she is saying._

_Elliot wraps his arm around her shoulders as the nurse leads them to a more secluded waiting room. As she walks, Olivia realizes that her gait is too unsteady and Elliot is the only thing keeping her upright._

_The waiting room turns out to be an unused exam room. The walls are painted with subdued blues and bordered with a calm tan._

"_I'll be right back," Elliot says, leaving Olivia standing in the silent room. He comes back moments later with as many antiseptic wipes as he could find, a pair of grey scrubs, and a large evidence bag. "DEA needs your clothes." He faces the wall, giving Olivia as much privacy as he can while still being there in case she needs help._

_Olivia moves as if she's on autopilot. She removes her clothes, folds them neatly, and places them in the evidence bag. She pulls on the scrubs and sits on the exam table, staring down at her blood-covered hands._

_Elliot turns around when he hears Olivia stop moving. He grabs some paper towels and uses the sink in the room to wet them. He starts at Olivia's face, tenderly wiping away dried blood. He works in silence until Olivia's face and arms are clean and clear of blood._

"_I'm sorry," Olivia whispers. _

_Elliot shakes his head. "Don't be."_

"_Detectives Benson and Stabler?" a doctor in a light blue surgical gown says from the door._

_Elliot turns around. "Yeah."_

"_I'm Dr. Blake, Mercy's trauma surgeon," she says. "I was Miss Cabot's surgeon. I was told to talk to the two of you."_

"_How is she?" Olivia asks, feeling hopeful for the first time since the EMTs loaded Alex into the ambulance._

_The doctor's face gives nothing away. "I'm sorry," she says. "The injuries Miss Cabot sustained were too severe. We did everything we could, however, our attempts failed. I'm very sorry, but Miss Cabot has died."_

"_Thank you, doctor," Elliot says, shaking her head._

"_Is there someone we can call?"_

_Olivia shakes her head. "No. Thank you, doctor."_

_Dr. Blake nods once and leaves the room._

…

* * *

…

The floorboards in her bedroom creak; Olivia's eyes snap open and she immediately reaches for her gun.

"Hey, easy," Elliot says, putting his hands up. Olivia sets her gun down on her bedside table. "I knocked, but you didn't answer."

Olivia sits up and rubs the remnants of sleep from her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Are you going to the memorial?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't."

Elliot rolls his eyes. "Why not?"

"She's still alive," Olivia snaps. "I can't sit in the same room as her grieving parents knowing that." She sighs. "She's still alive, and I sit in our squadroom every day expecting to hear her heels as she walks down the hallway. This memorial just reminds me that she's never coming back."

Elliot nods, sitting on the end of Olivia's bed. "Closure, Liv," he says. "That's what this memorial will bring you – closure."

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	5. Chapter 5

**Day 5: The sound of breaking glass stopped her.**

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Pre-Season 13, when Alex comes back from the Congo.

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* * *

The sound of breaking glass is loud in the silent apartment, but it does nothing to break the tension or the stare-off between the two stubborn women standing in the kitchen.

"I told you not to come back," Olivia says, gripping the countertop hard enough to turn her knuckles white. The waves of anger radiating off of her are almost palpable.

Alex nearly rolls her eyes, but she is trying not to further anger Olivia. "And I told you that I refuse to obey that demand."

"Obey that demand?" Olivia yells. She then scoffs and throws her hands up. "I don't want you here, Alex."

"Oh, I think you do." Alex takes a step forward into Olivia's personal space. Olivia swallows harshly, but does not step back. "Otherwise, you would've taken your key back." She fishes the gold key out of the front left pocket of her jeans and holds it in front of Olivia's face.

Olivia shakes her head almost imperceptibly and Alex stashes the key in her pocket with a smirk, but she is careful not to get too cocky. She may have won the battle, but she could still lose the war.

Frustrated, Olivia sighs and takes a much-needed step away from Alex. "What are you doing here, Alex?"

"I'm home," Alex says with a slight shrug and a hopeful smile that seems to light up her blue eyes.

"Home?"

"Yes, back in New York."

"For how long?"

"Forever," Alex says, taking a step forward. Her hands find Olivia's hips and she pulls the detective against her. "If you'll have me." She presses her lips to Olivia's.

It's a question.

It's a promise.

It's home.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Day 6: Between one breath and another, I fell in love.**

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Mid-season 4

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* * *

She doesn't know when it happened and she doesn't know how it happened, but Alex Cabot is – and has been for a while, it seems – in love with Olivia Benson.

She feels it in the way Olivia's voice sends shivers down her spine, the way Olivia's eyes seem to bore right into her soul.

She feels it in the way she'd do anything for Olivia.

But she especially feels it on the nights Olivia decides to stay. It reaches into her chest and grips at her heart. It's a warmth that starts in the core of her being and radiates outward until her fingers and toes are tingling with its warmth.

On the night of her revelation, Alex lies awake, her head propped up on her arm, watching the steady rise and fall of Olivia's chest as she catches up on some much-needed sleep.

The case they had just closed had been tough. The detectives had gotten minimal sleep – Olivia less than anyone. But they had been fortunate enough to break the case early that morning and once the animal was in lockup, Alex had managed to convince Olivia to go home with her.

It wasn't a difficult feat seeing as Olivia was dead on her feet, but Alex felt victorious nonetheless.

Which lead them to where they are now.

Alex's trance is broken by a throaty chuckle. "Are you watching me sleep?" Olivia asks, cracking one eye open and giving Alex a crooked smile.

Even in the dark bedroom, Alex's deep blush is obvious. "How long have you been awake?" she asks, mortified.

"Five minutes."

"You should've said something."

"I figured you were thinking." Olivia leans up and presses a gentle kiss to Alex's lips. "What were you thinking about?"

There are times when Alex has a terrible habit of speaking before she thinks. This happens to be one of those times. "I love you," she says. "I-I-I'm _in _love with you." She sighs. "I'm in love with you, Olivia Benson."

Olivia smiles. If smiles could literally brighten a room, this smile would do just that. "I'm in love with you too, Alex Cabot."

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	7. Chapter 7

**Day 7: As she searched, her movements were frantic.**

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Season 4, after episode 6.

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* * *

"Al," Olivia calls from the apartment door. "Al, we gotta go."

"Just a minute," Alex yells from the bedroom. Her voice is muffled due to the fact that she's half under the bed. She pulls out a fourth shoebox and rips the cover off, throwing it across the bedroom. She is dismayed to find only a pair of shoes in the box. "Damn it," she says, pushing the box away.

"Alex," Olivia says, knocking on the door, "we have to go or we're gonna be late."

"Just hold on, Liv," Alex says, reaching for another box. This one is filled with old birthday cards.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for something to wear," Alex lies.

"Still?" Olivia groans, letting her head hit the door. "I thought you were going to wear that red dress."

Alex stops searching and stares at the closed door, her brow wrinkled in confusion. "The one I wore to dinner with Trevor?"

Olivia scoffs. "Yeah."

Alex laughs at the utter disdain in Olivia's voice as she goes back to searching through the boxes. "I burned it."

Olivia could cry. "That was my favorite dress."

"I didn't like that he saw me in it."

Olivia shakes her head and checks her watch. "We really have to go, Alex. They won't hold our table forever."

"One minute," Alex says. She opens the final box and nearly jumps for joy. She reaches into the box and pulls out a small, blue box. Stowing it in her purse, she stands up and leaves the room.

Olivia takes one look at her and scoffs. "That's the same dress you were wearing an hour ago."

"Is it?" Alex asks, smirking. "I guess I just changed what's underneath, then." She saunters away, leaving a dry-mouthed Olivia behind her.

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* * *

Hello, everyone. I just want to say thank you for your follows, favorites, and reviews. They mean the world to me. I hope you've enjoyed the first week of stories. Here's to hoping the next 83 days go just as well.


	8. Chapter 8

**Day 8: She felt for the lock in the dark.**

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A direct continuation of Day 7.

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* * *

Olivia's hands leave trails of heat everywhere they touch; Alex's body feels like it's on fire as she tries to keep her hands steady enough to unlock the door. The key slips from her hand and she curses under hear breath.

Olivia's resulting chuckle is deep and makes Alex's legs feel like jelly. "Easy there, tiger," she says, and suddenly Alex is covered in goosebumps. Olivia presses her body against Alex's and opens the door with ease. She links her left hand with Alex's right and pulls the blond through the open door.

All Alex can focus on is the feeling of the ring on Olivia's finger.

…

* * *

…

_One hour earlier…_

_Alex clutches to her purse like it's her lifeline in a stormy sea. She knows it's irrational, illogical, and impossible for her purse to be radiating any sort of heat, but at this moment, she swears it is._

"_You okay, Al?" Olivia asks, finishing a sip of her wine. "You've been uncharacteristically quiet all through dinner."_

_Alex chuckles nervously and takes a drink from her wineglass. "Just tired," she lies._

_Olivia nods. "We could've stayed home, ordered in."_

"_No," Alex says quickly. She places her hands on Olivia's and smiles fondly. "No, I'm glad we did this."_

_Olivia smirks. "You make it sound like a first date."_

"_Marry me" Alex asks without preamble. She clumsily pulls the small, blue box from her purse and opens it, revealing an elegant, modest diamond ring._

_Olivia's smirk fades. "This isn't first date material."_

"_This isn't our first date."_

"_Touché."_

…

* * *

…

Alex leans against the door and smirks at Olivia, reaching back to engage the lock. "I'm so glad you said yes," she says.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Day 9: It was not a dark and stormy night.**

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Post-Loss.

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* * *

The day the Marshals tell her is cool and sunny. There is no rain. There are no clouds. It is, by all accounts, a good day.

It is not what her mother deserves.

Then again, her mother didn't deserve any of the things that happened to her in the last eight months.

Alex sighs and puts her head in her hands. Her hair – dyed brown as a precaution – falls around her face like a shade. A single tear slips from her eyes. "How?" she asks, her voice breaking.

"Heart attack," the Marshal says. He avoids looking at Alex – Emily – because he knows the pain she is feeling. If he looks at her, he'll break down too.

"Was she in any pain?"

The Marshal shakes his head. "The doctor said she was asleep and wouldn't have felt a thing."

"Good." Alex nods. "That's good. Does Olivia know? My mother took her in like one of her own. Olivia would want to know."

"Her Captain informed her last night. She said she'll take care of the arrangements."

"Will I be allowed to go?"

"I'm sorry, Emily; it's too dangerous."

Alex nods. "I figured."

"I'm sorry, Emily."

Alex looks up and gives the Marshal a small smile. "I shouldn't have asked."

"I know it's against protocol," the Marshal says, "but I have something for you." He stands up and reaches into his jacket. Pulling out a purple, greeting card-sized envelope, he says, "Keep it hidden."

Alex nods. "What is it?"

The Marshal just shrugs. "I'll check in with you later this week." He leaves without another word.

Alex opens the envelope and pulls out the simple card. It is white with a cartoon heart on the front. She chuckles and opens it. A picture flutters to the ground, but Alex's eyes catch the words first.

"_How long?" was a promise, Al. I'll wait forever._

Alex blinks back the tears in her eyes and picks up the fallen picture. It is of her and Olivia at Munch's New Year party. The clock in the background reads midnight, and she and Olivia are looking at each other with goofy grins on their faces.

Alex smiles. "I'll wait too, Liv. I'll wait too."

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	10. Chapter 10

**Day 10: Never again, she swore to herself. Never. Again.**

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Late season 12; December 18, 2010. (Will be continued on Day 11).

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* * *

"Cabot's back, huh?" Elliot asks, watching his partner walk over to their usual booth carrying a pitcher of beer and two glasses.

"What?" Olivia asks, setting the pitcher and the glasses on the table. "How could you tell?"

Elliot shrugs and pours some beer into the glasses. He pushes one toward Olivia and takes a drink of his own, deliberately stalling, hoping Olivia will forget to make him answer. The odds are not in his favor; Olivia looks at him expectantly. "You always look like you've been put through the wringer when she's around," he says, staring into his glass.

Olivia shrugs and part of her resents Elliot for being right. She runs her hand through her hair. "She just…she drives me crazy, El."

"She's been driving you crazy for a decade, Liv." He takes a sip of his drink. "Where's she staying this time?"

Olivia blushes and looks anywhere but Elliot's face. "My place," she mumbles.

Elliot rolls his eyes. "You gotta stop doing this to yourself." He sighs. "When's she leaving?"

"The 26th."

"She's not even staying for the New Year?"

"She can't; she was lucky to get the week she has."

"When's her next vacation?"

Olivia shrugs. "She tries to visit every four months, but sometimes it isn't in the cards."

Elliot downs the remainder of his beer and stares at Olivia. "You should think about getting a pet," he finally says.

Olivia snorts. "I don't have time for a pet." She shrugs. "Besides, what do I need a pet for?"

"Company," Eliot says. "They're great for people who are lonely."

Olivia rolls her eyes. "I'm not lonely, Elliot. I'm just…I love Alex." The admission makes her feel light, almost happy. "I'm in love with Alex."

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	11. Chapter 11

**Day 11: Her eyes fluttered shut. If you didn't know her, you'd think she was asleep. I knew her.**

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Continuation of day 10.

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* * *

Olivia staggers into her little apartment at half-past two in the morning. Stumbling into the table by the door, she nearly knocks Alex's vase to the ground. She curses silently, closing the door too loudly behind her.

"Liv," Alex calls, standing up from the couch in the living room. She walks into the kitchen wearing boxers and a tank top and carrying a baseball bat. "Liv?"

Olivia tries not to laugh, but the sight before her is equal parts laughable and adorable. "It's just me, Al," she says, tossing her keys onto the counter. "What are you doing up?"

Alex lets the bat clatter to the ground and rubs sleep from her eyes. "The slamming of the door woke me up."

"I'm sorry."

They stand like that, staring at each other in the middle of the kitchen, for what feels like an eternity. The tension in the room is almost palpable.

"I'm sick of this game we keep playing," Olivia says, finally breaking the silence.

Alex sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I can't do this right now, Liv," she says, but she makes no move to walk away.

"Then when, Alex? In the morning when we're making breakfast in our little domestic bubble? Or next week when we're driving to the airport again?"

"Liv," Alex says, her voice taking on a warning tone, "don't do this. Not tonight."

"No," Olivia says, shaking her head. "No. I love you, Alex. I love you and I'm sick of this game we've been playing." She takes a step forward and tentatively presses her lips to Alex's in a chaste kiss. She pulls back, a smile playing at her lips. "I love you," she whispers.

"You love me?" Alex asks.

Olivia nods. "I love you."

Alex smiles widely – a smile that could light up the dark apartment. "I love you too."

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	12. Chapter 12

**Day 12: It was happening. It was real. It was tonight.**

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Late season 4, very AU

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* * *

Olivia paces in front of the door to the light tan hospital room. Her pale blue scrubs hang loosely off her body; she looks haggard, exhausted. Sweat makes her hair cling to her forehead.

"Olivia," Kathy says, grabbing Olivia's arm and stopping her in her tracks. "What are you doing?"

Olivia runs her hand through her hair and looks around the hallway. "I can't do this, Kathy. I really, really can't do this."

"It's a little late for that, Liv."

Olivia flashes Kathy a dirty look and pulls out of her grip, continuing to pace up and down the hallway, fidgeting with the thin, silver band on her left ring finger. Out of the corner of her eye, she watches Kathy shake her head and disappear around the corner.

Elliot appears out of nowhere.

Olivia crashes into him; he catches her before she clatters to the ground. "Benson," he says, "what the hell are you doing out here?"

"I'm scared," Olivia whispers.

"Of what?"

"What if I'm not good at it?"

"Parenting?" Elliot chuckles. "No one's good at it, Liv. You just have to make it up as you go."

"I don't know if I can do it, El."

"Liv," Elliot says, placing his hands on Olivia's shoulders and looking into her eyes, "you are going to be an amazing mother; everyone knows it."

"But–"

"No" – Elliot shakes his head – "no. Your wife is in there giving birth to your children. Alex is in there alone, Liv." He turns her around and pushes her toward the room. "Don't leave her alone for another minute." He opens the door and pushes her into the room. "You can do this, Liv."

Three hours later, Alex gives birth to twins. Olivia has never been happier.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Day 13: The only thing worse than giving up hope is not giving up hope, but I've still got my fingers crossed.**

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Post-Loss

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* * *

It snows on the day of her funeral. Thick, white flakes fall to the ground, covering the black jackets of the mourners and the casket made of cherry wood.

The eulogy is given by a priest, but written, in part, by Olivia. Elliot wears his dress blues, and Munch attends the service even though he typically makes it a point to avoid funerals. Liz Donnelly sits in the front row and tries to remain stoic, but a tear slips from her eye as the hymn begins.

Her mother and father sit next to Olivia and weep openly throughout the service. Olivia clenches her jaw and does not cry, but inside, she is dying.

Or, at least, that is how Alex imagines it.

She is already in Wisconsin on the day of her funeral, in a house set up by the Marshals. It is comfortable and small and fitted with state-of-the-art security technology. But it does not feel like home.

She does not sleep for the first two nights she is there. She lies awake in the too-big bed, too afraid to close her eyes; every little noise increases her anxiety tenfold, to the point that her bed is shaking with the intensity of her tremors.

On the third night, she is given a sleep aid and a Marshal to keep watch. She sleeps through the night, but her sleep is plagued by nightmares in which Olivia is the one shooting her.

She does not take the sleep aid again.

The first three week she spends sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket that smells like Olivia. An assigned caretaker drops off meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The woman does not say a word; she just comes in, sets the food on the coffee table, and leaves.

On Monday of the fourth week, Alex sleeps in. When she finally makes her way out of her bedroom, she is greeted by the smell of coffee and the sight of her caretaker reading the newspaper at her kitchen table.

The familiarity of the scene stops Alex in her tracks and forces her to close her eyes.

For a moment, she is home and the woman at her kitchen table is a very sleep-tousled Olivia Benson.

For a moment, she allows hope to creep in and course through her veins.

And that moment is all she needs.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Day 14: The smell of lavender was overpowering.**

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Somewhere in season 4.

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* * *

Alex learns the hard way that there is nothing but truth to Murphy's Law.

Her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day starts when she slips in the shower and receives a bruise that covers her hip.

On the way in to work, she trips and spills scalding coffee on her white shirt.

The heel of her shoe breaks on her way to court…

Which results in her tardiness to a bail hearing and Petrovsky is forced to grant bail to a guy that definitely doesn't deserve it.

She misses lunch with Olivia because Trevor Langan has decided to drown in her motions.

When she finally gets to leave the office, the sky decides to open up and downpour on her so she is soaking wet when she gets home.

And then, to top it all off, she falls asleep on the couch while she is waiting for the tub to fill and ends up flooding the bathroom.

Olivia gest home and is instantly greeted by the overwhelming smell of Alex's lavender bath oil. "Al," she calls, hanging up her jacket, "you home?"

"Bedroom," Alex calls back.

Olivia slips off her boots and walks to the bathroom, smiling to herself. She looks in the room and sees Alex lying on the bed completely clothed, which is the exact opposite of what she was expecting. "Rough day?"

Alex opens her eyes and glances in Olivia's direction. "You could say that."

"Did you get to take your bath?"

"No," Alex says, sitting up. "No, I didn't. But I did get to bruise my hip, spill my coffee on my favorite shirt, break my favorite shoe, set a murderer free, miss lunch, freeze, and flood the bathroom."

Olivia laughs and sits on the bed. "I love you," she says, leaning over to kiss Alex. "Tomorrow will be better."

Alex laughs mirthlessly and falls back onto the bed. "I'm not getting out of bed tomorrow if it begins anything like today did."

"Can I kiss you and make it better?"

"You can try."

Olivia leans down while Alex pushes herself up. The resulting collision happens with a loud _thwack_. Alex can already tell there's going to be a bruise on her forehead.

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AN: This is the end of week two, everyone! Thanks so much for you reviews, follows, and favorites. They really make my day.


	15. Chapter 15

**Day 15: She sat at the window, nose pressed against the glass until it was numb with cold.**

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Post-Guilt

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* * *

The second she steps into the apartment, she can tell that something is off. The air conditioner is on, leaving the apartment a cold 57 degrees, and the lights are out.

"Alex," she calls, not really expecting an answer, "I'm home." She hangs her jacket on the coatrack and slips off her boots. Running her ahnd through her hair, she shakes out the snow that has started to melt, and walks down the hallway. Stopping in front of the bedroom door, she knocks before opening it.

Alex is lying on the bed, staring blankly up at the rotating ceiling fan. The moonlight streams in through the white curtains, illuminating the tear tracks down her face.

"I'm not going to ask if you're okay," Olivia says, "because I know you aren't." She pauses, waiting for Alex to say something. When Alex doesn't, Olivia continues: "But don't beat yourself up over this." She sits on the ends of the bed and takes Alex's hand in her own. "Don't beat yourself up over this," she whispers.

Alex pulls her hand out of Olivia's grasp and rolls on to her side, facing away from Olivia. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"You don't even know why I'm sorry."

"Then tell me."

Alex sighs heavily. "You could've lost your job."

"But I didn't."

"But you could've!" Alex takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "You could've and I would've been to blame."

"I wouldn't have blamed you."

Alex scoffs. "Maybe not out loud, but you would've."

"Alex–"

"No." Alex shakes her head, sighs. "Just leave me alone, Liv."

Olivia knows Alex; she knows when to push and when to pull away. This is a time when she needs to give Alex space. "Okay," she says, placing a kiss on the top of Alex's head. "I'll be in the living room if you need me. I love you." She leaves the room, pulling the door shut behind her.

As the door clicks shut, she hears Alex says "I love you too" very faintly.

.


	16. Chapter 16

**Day 16: She woke, shivering, in the dark of the night.**

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Sometime in season 10

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* * *

The first time it happens, she has been back in New York for two weeks. A car backfires while she is out getting lunch and she becomes rooted to her spot on the sidewalk, her mind flooded with vivid memories, as life goes on around her.

The second time it happens, she is at the grocery store, picking up the necessities. Someone drops something a few aisles away and the resulting sound is too close to a gunshot for Alex. She drops the basket in her hand and nearly runs out of the store.

The third time it happens, she is at her office, filling out some paperwork. There is an unexpected knock at her door that sends her scrambling for safety under her desk.

"Alex," the person on the other side of the door says. "Alex, I know you're in there. Can I come in?"

Alex knows that voice; it's one she's heard frequently in a variety of ways. But her flashback has a tight grip on her and refuses to let go.

"I'm coming in," the person says, opening the door slowly. "Alex?" a very disheveled-looking Olivia Benson calls. "Are you in here?" On a gut instinct, she walks around to the other side of the desk and kneels down. "Come back, Alex," she whispers.

Alex doesn't move. Her breathing doesn't begin to regulate. She doesn't stop trembling. She does, however, open her eyes; in them, Olivia can see ghosts of Alex's inner tormentors.

"You're safe, Alex," Olivia whispers. "You're safe."

Slowly, Alex's world comes back into view. She blushes furiously and refuses to look at Olivia, but does not say a word. She crawls out from underneath her desk and runs her hands over her clothes.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asks.

"Home," Alex says, needlessly straightening out the papers on her desk. "I need to go home."

"Okay," Olivia says, taking Alex's hand. "My place or yours?"

"Yours."

Hours later, when a particularly loud bolt of thunder startles Alex from an almost-peaceful sleep, Olivia is there to coax her back into safety and love and warmth.

.


	17. Chapter 17

**Day 17: This isn't goodbye.**

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Loss (again, I know)

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* * *

_She's not dead._

That is the first thought in your mind when you see her step out of the black SUV, and it passes through in shades of red and turquoise and aqua.

The words and colors swirl like a gymnast's ribbon until they become blurred and mashed and knotted and three words become one and that one is…

Gone.

But it comes in the form of: Witness Protection.

"How long?"

If she doesn't answer, you aren't sure you'll survive.

Her non-answer is your certain demise.

But it is there – in eyes as blue as the sea – that you find it.

Hope.

It is coral-colored and deep blue and bright yellow.

It is a promise as hot as the sun, yet as cold as the dark side of the moon.

It is your redemption, your drive, your life force.

She is sure you will survive.

She's ensuring your survival.

And when she gets into that black SUV, you know this isn't goodbye.

It's: See you later.

.


	18. Chapter 18

**Day 18: She froze with the wineglass an inch from her mouth.**

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Season 13, after episode 11; December 24, 2011.

(Lyrics are from "Ho Ho Hopefully" by The Maine)

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* * *

The lights on the small Christmas tree glimmer in the dimly-lit living room of Olivia's apartment. The room is warm and comfortable, but the atmosphere is somber. Outside, heavy snowflakes fall languidly, ensuring a white Christmas.

Olivia sets two mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table and sits next to Alex on the couch, her arm resting on the back of the seat. Alex leans into the embrace, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder.

After a while of just sitting and watching the lights on the Christmas tree, Alex shifts to watch Olivia.

_We go together like the winter and a sweater_

_And she makes me feel, she makes me feel alive inside_

Olivia turns her head and smiles, making Alex blush because she knows she's been caught staring. "See something you like, Counselor?"

Alex chooses to ignore the teasing question and opts for honesty: "Thank you for making Christmas a little bit easier this year, Liv. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it."

"No one should have to be alone on Christmas."

"I'm not intruding on any plans, am I?"

Olivia shakes her head. "I was just going to sit around and watch movies all day."

"You weren't going to have dinner with Elliot and his family?"

Again, Olivia shakes her head. "I'm on call. I didn't see the point in disrupting his dinner when I got the call."

Alex nods in understanding, and an awkward silence settles over the pair. Olivia watches the range of emotions flit through Alex's eyes.

_And when I look into her eyes, I see the blue and green like Christmas lights_

_Like Christmas lights, oh what a sight_

"I love you." The thought comes unbidden into Olivia's mind and she is saying it before she has a chance to stop herself.

Alex pauses, her mug of hot chocolate an inch from her mouth. "What?"

Olivia closes her eyes and sighs. Opening them, she looks into Alex's eyes and wrings her hands in her lap. "I-I love you. I've loved you for a decade, Alex Cabot, and there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be than right here."

Alex sets her mug on the coffee table and, instead of using words, she presses her lips to Olivia's. "I love you too," she whispers when she pulls away.

_I'm exactly where I need to be – with you by this Christmas tree_

_Together, just you and me, together by this Christmas tree_


	19. Chapter 19

**Day 19: Was that blood under her fingernails?**

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Season 8 AU. (Loss and Ghost didn't happen).

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* * *

Though they occur much less often than they used to, Olivia's nightmares are completely debilitating.

They are terrifying to the point that she can no longer discern reality from her imagination.

She wakes up shaking, sweating, frozen to the core. Her hands grip the sheets and her jaw is sore from clenching her teeth. Her eyes, wide and wild like a caged animal's, dart around the room, seeing figures from her nightmares in every corner.

Tonight is no different.

Tonight, after she has ascertained that it was a dream, she gets out of bed as quietly as possible as to not wake the woman sleeping beside her, and walks into the kitchen, flicking on the light about the sink.

She fills a glass with cold water and holds it against her face, letting the cold seep some of the heat away. When she feels sufficiently cooled and calm, she empties the glass into the sink and leaves it on the towel on the counter.

Very quietly, she walks back through the apartment and stops at the first door on her right. She leans against he doorframe and watches the stead rise and fall of the toddler's chest.

"She looks just like you," Alex whispers, wrapping her arms around Olivia's waist.

Olivia doesn't jump. She just smiles and leans into Alex's embrace. "You think so? I think she looks more like you."

Alex shakes her head and looks at the little girl sleeping diagonally in the bed with the blankets strewn about. "She just sleeps like me."

"She also has your eyes."

"They're shaped like yours."

Olivia gets quiet as memories from her nightmare creep back into her mind.

"It was just a nightmare, Liv," Alex says. "Everything's okay."

Olivia shakes her head. "I know."

"Are you coming back to bed?"

"Soon. You go ahead."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Alex says, placing a kiss on Olivia's cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too."

.


	20. Chapter 20

**Day 20: She'd learned to never think about her family.**

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Post-Loss (again)

[TW: mention of death]

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* * *

Alex sighs for the fifth time in as many minutes and takes a sip of her wine. She looks around the crowded restaurant, noting – in the back of her mind – how many things are fundamentally wrong with the scene playing out in front of her.

First, the person sitting across from the table (yammering on aimlessly about God only knows what, she might add) is not the certain brunette detective she is accustomed to having across from her.

Second – or subsection b of the first, really – the person sitting across from her is a man, which she had effectively stopped dating after her second year of college.

Third, due to the restaurant's premiere location in Madison, Wisconsin, it is not a place she has ever been.

Fourth, she is, for all intents and purposes, no longer Alexandra Cabot.

Alex looks back at the man sitting across from her; he is now looking at her the way a puppy looks at the person holding its favorite toy.

"I'm sorry?" she says.

He clears his throat and adjusts his tie nervously. "Your family?"

Now that's the million-dollar question, isn't it? _Alex _could say with certainty that Olivia is her family. Hell, she could argue that the entirety of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit is family.

But she is not Alex; she is Emily and Emily does not have the entirety of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit.

"My mother and father live in Hawaii," she says, reciting the information the Marshals gave her, "and my brother is a soldier deployed overseas. My sister was a New York City cop."

"Was?"

Alex nods and looks away from the man. "She was killed in the line of duty two years ago."

The story about her sister had been added in by the Marshals after Alex had a particularly brutal nightmare and woke up yelling for Olivia.

The rest of the night passes in awkward silence. When she finally gets back to her house, she curls up on the couch and mourns the loss of the family she could've had in New York.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Day 21: I promised I would protect her, and I didn't.**

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Year 2037

TW: death, cancer

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On their 29th wedding anniversary, Alex and Olivia decided to renew their wedding vows on their 30th anniversary. They planned to have a big ceremony at the house in Connecticut where they were married. Alex would write her own vows, like she had for their wedding, and Olivia would scrap a speech she had written to say something she would come up with on the spot.

Their son would take a break from being a hotshot prosecutor in Boston and their daughter would come home from her mission with the Peace Corps to see the ceremony. Elliot and Kathy would round up their kids and grandkids and come up from Florida.

There would be eating and drinking and laughing and crying. Embarrassing stories would be told throughout dinner. Elliot and Olivia would get into an argument over who was in better shape and would have to solve it by arm wrestling while Alex and Kathy stood off to the side and shook their heads disapprovingly.

And everyone would be happy.

But even the best laid plans go awry.

Alex is diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer just five months before their planned celebration. The cancer is aggressive and untreatable and it eats away at Alex until it has eaten everything and there is nothing left.

That takes just over a month.

The day of Alex's funeral is appropriately cold and rainy. Her coffin is made of cherry wood and ornately decorated. She is buried in the Cabot-family plot next to her father. The spot next to Alex's is empty, but Olivia knows it is reserved for her.

Over 100 people attend the service. Olivia has a speech prepared, but she finds she is can't say anything as she stands at the podium. Elliot comes to her rescue and gives the speech in her place.

After the funeral, Olivia goes home and does not speak to anyone but her children for four months.

On the morning of their 30th anniversary, Olivia drives to the florist and buys thrity of the most beautiful roses she has ever seen. Then she drives to the cemetery and sits in front of Alex's headstone. She places the roses on the ground in front of her.

"On our first anniversary, you told me that you hate roses that aren't red, something about sticking to tradition. Every Monday from then on, a bouquet of colorful roses would be delivered to your desk." Olivia wipes at her eyes, a light chuckles escaping her lips. "I haven't stopped doing that."

"We did this backwards, Al. I was supposed to go first. That was the way things were planned. But I couldn't protect you. I couldn't…I…I promised. I promised!" She puts her head in her hands, sobs wracking her body. "I promised. I'm sorry."

As her sobs begin to taper off, Olivia stands up, looks down at the headstone, and whispers, "I love you, Al. Forever and always."

.

* * *

AN: This is the end of week 3, everyone! Thanks so much for your reviews, follows, and favorites. They mean the world to me.


	22. Chapter 22

**Day 22: There was a bandage wrapped tightly around her hand.**

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Season 5 AU (Loss didn't happen)

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* * *

Alex is going to kill her.

Alex is going to kill her and not leave any evidence and no one will ever figure it out.

Olivia runs u the front steps of their apartment building and whips the door open with her bandage-wrapped right hand. The short burst of pain in her hand is enough to make her use her left hand to jab at the elevator button.

The elevator moves at an agonizingly slow pace, making Olivia feel almost like a caged animal.

When the elevator stops on the sixth floor, she is out and sprinting down the hallway before the doors are completely open. She stops in front of the apartment door and realizes she should've bought flowers.

She reaches for the doorknob just as Alex opens the door.

"You're late," Alex says, turning around and walking into the kitchen.

Olivia closes the door and follows. "I'm sorry," she says. "Something came up at work."

Alex pours herself a glass of water. "I know," she says, taking a sip. "Elliot called."

"He did? What did he say?"

"What happened to your hand?"

"Nothing," Olivia lies, quickly hiding her hand behind her back.

Alex quirks her eyebrow and just stares at Olivia. Olivia suddenly feels like she's being cross-examined on the stand.

Olivia pulls her hand out from behind her back and unravels the gauze wrapped around it, revealing the five stitches holding together a gash on her palm. "It's not a big deal."

"You have stitches in your hand."

"Better than my face." Olivia sighs. "The guy was coming at me with the knife and I put my hand out to block him."

Alex shakes her head and chuckles mirthlessly. "I never would've taken the position at Colombia if I had known you'd get hurt within the first week I was gone."

Olivia smiles her famous crooked smile. Placing a kiss on Alex's lips, she says, "If you hadn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Alex smiles. "I love you."

"And I love you."

.

* * *

AN: Hello, everyone. The next two weeks are AU weeks. So if you have an AU situation you'd like to see written, post it in the comments and I'll make sure I get to it.


	23. Chapter 23

**Day 23: She had seventeen missed calls and ten new voicemails.**

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Year: 2005.

Olivia is a soldier; Alex is still a prosecutor with the Manhattan DA's Office. They are married.

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* * *

Staff Sergeant Olivia Benson steps into the terminal at JFK International Airport and switches on her cellphone.

Waiting for it to load, she stuffs the cellphone into the pocket of her combat-uniform trousers and locates the baggage claim. She finds her rucksack easily and throws it over her right shoulder, making her way out of the airport. She catches a cab and gives the driver the address of an Upper West Side brownstone.

Sitting back, Olivia's left shoulder comes in contact with the seat and she winces slightly. She readjusts her position to keep pressure off the injury.

"You back for good?" the driver asks, looking at Olivia in the rearview mirror.

Olivia nods. "I had the option to go back after I heal, but I opted to be put on Reserve."

"Thanks for what you do," the driver says. Olivia just smiles.

Pulling out her phone, she notices that she has seventeen missed calls and ten new voicemails…all from Alex. The voicemails range from happy to nervous to angry, and back again. As the last voicemail finishes playing, the cab pulls up to the brownstone. Paying the driver, Olivia grabs her bag and steps out of the cab into a cold downpour.

She smiles widely and stands in the rain longer than she should.

With the rain now soaking through her jacket, Olivia jogs up the stairs and knocks on the door, suddenly feeling extremely nervous.

She doesn't have long to dwell on her anxiety because twenty seconds later the door is open and Alex is standing in front of her with a five year old clinging to each hand.

"Sorry I'm late," Olivia says, smiling her crooked smile.

The twins let go of Alex's hands and wrap their arms around whatever part of Olivia they can get to. Tears sting Olivia's eyes, but she does not try to stop them as they roll down her cheeks.

"Two and a half years late," Alex says.

The family makes their way into the house and the twins scramble off to collect the drawings and presents they have for Olivia.

Olivia pulls Alex into a tight hug. "I missed you so much," she says. "So much. Every single second of every single day. I missed you so much it hurt." She sniffles and tightens her hug. "God, I love you so much."

Alex's smile is so big her face actually hurts. "I thought you were never coming home," she whispers. "Every time the phone rang or someone knocked on the door, I thought they were going to tell me you were gone." She shakes her head, refusing to loosen her grip. "I'm so happy you're home."

Pulling back, Olivia places a kiss on Alex's lips. "I love you."

Alex sighs happily. "I love you more."

.


	24. Chapter 24

**Day 24: The fluorescent lights blinked maddeningly overhead.**

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Prompt by HKS: "How about an AU where 'Signature' didn't have Lauren Cooper killing herself and instead have her shoot Liv? (but not to kill)." This is my attempt.

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Season 9, "Signature"; December 14, 2007.

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* * *

Alex is seething.

The fluorescent lights blink maddeningly overhead, only serving to irritate the tension headache growing behind Alex's eyes as she walks quickly down the corridor to Olivia's room.

As she approaches the door, her irritation reaches a whole new level; in the room, Olivia is arguing with the doctor.

"I'm fine," Olivia yells. "The bullet barely grazed me."

The doctor sighs frustratedly. "The bullet, Detective Benson, nearly lodged itself in your clavicle."

Olivia groans. Alex can picture the accompanying eyeroll. "It barely grazed me."

"You lose consciousness at the scene."

"I'm awake now."

"I can't allow you to leave, Detective."

"Then give me the AMA forms," Olivia yells. "I'm not staying here."

Alex sighs and rounds the corner into Olivia's room. "Sit down," she says, fixing Olivia with an icy glare. Olivia opens her mouth to protest, but the anger in Alex's eyes stops her short. She sits back on the hospital bed and pouts in Alex's direction. Alex would almost find it endearing if she wasn't so upset.

Turning to the doctor, Alex smiles. "I'm sorry," she says. "She's not usually like this."

The doctor chuckles. "I understand," she says. "But I strongly suggest she stay here for the night so we can watch for signs of infection."

"That won't be a problem, Doctor," Alex says.

The doctor smiles and leaves the room.

"I can't believe this," Olivia says. "You're supposed to be on my side."

Alex rolls her eyes. "I can't believe you're acting like a petulant child right now. You're an adult, Liv. Act like one."

"I don't like hospitals."

"Stop getting injured and you wouldn't have to spend so much time at them."

"I hate desk duty too." Olivia sighs and leans back against the pillows. "Will you stay?"

Alex presses a kiss to Olivia's forehead. "I always do."

.

* * *

AN: Hello, everyone. Be sure to submit your AU scenarios!


	25. Chapter 25

**Day 25: It's just a flesh wound.**

.

Prompt by guardianrock and trace619: "How about one where Alex is the detective/cop and Olivia is the ADA."

.

Year: 2013

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* * *

Pulling her long hair up into a ponytail, Detective Alex Cabot barely manages to suppress a groan. She reaches down, presses her hand to her side, and takes even, measured breaths – a technique she learned helps manage the pain.

She is so focused on her breathing that she does not hear the _click clack_ of heels that signals the arrival of Assistant District Attorney Olivia Benson.

After making herself a cup of coffee, Olivia perches on the edge of Alex's desk, her legs crossed at the knee. She watches Alex with unhidden worry.

When Alex feels the pain is manageable, she sighs and opens her eyes. Looking up, her eyes meet Olivia's and she smiles. "You're early, Counselor."

Olivia smiles back and shrugs. "I wanted to see you before anyone else got in."

"How'd you know I'd be in today?"

"Gut feeling." Olivia smirks.

Alex laughs. "That's my line."

"Yesterday was a mandatory day off. I knew you'd be back today."

"There's no way I was gonna stay home again."

"Why not?"

Alex sighs exaggeratedly. "Daytime tv is the worst."

Olivia laughs and it's suddenly the most beautiful thing Alex has ever heard.

A comfortable silence surrounds the two.

It is Olivia who breaks it. "How are you feeling, Alex? Honestly."

Alex shrugs. "A little sore, but the pain's manageable."

Olivia looks at her doubtfully. "Really?"

"Really."

"You're not just saying that so that I won't cancel our dinner plans?"

"Scout's honor, Liv."

Olivia nods. "Okay," she says, standing up. "I'll see you tonight for our standing dinner reservations."

Alex smiles. "It's a date, Counselor."

.


	26. Chapter 26

**Day 26: Are you sure there were no survivors?**

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Year: 2004

The same universe as Day 23 (Olivia is a soldier; Alex is still a prosecutor with the Manhattan DA's Office. They are married.)

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* * *

The news comes on a Sunday in the form of an older man in a crisp dress uniform and a neutral expression.

"There was an explosion," he says. "It caused a building collapse. Sergeant Benson is among those presumed deceased."

"Presumed?" Alex asks, still clinging to a shard of hope.

"At this point, ma'am, we have not yet identified all of the casualties."

"But you're sure there were no survivors?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Alex nods. "Okay," she says. "Okay. Thank you."

"I'm very sorry, ma'am," he says, turning and walking down the steps. He gets into a black car parked on the street.

Alex closes the door and leans against it, eventually sliding to the ground. She pulls her knees to her chest and leans her head against them. Tears rolls endlessly from her eyes.

Her only saving grace is that the twins are with her mother.

When the phone rings several hours later, Alex almost doesn't answer it, but something nagging at the back of her mind compels her to.

"Hello," she says.

"Alex, it's me." Olivia voice is rushed and not much more than a hoarse whisper.

"Olivia? They told me you were dead."

"I'm okay, Alex. A few cuts and bruises, but relatively unharmed."

"They told me you were dead."

"I wasn't in the building when it collapsed," she says. "Listen, Alex: I have to go; we're on the move again."

"Okay," Alex says. "Stay safe, Liv. And come home alive."

"I'll try. I love you."

"I love you too."

The call ends; Alex feels alive again.

.


	27. Chapter 27

**Day 27: The tv played silently in the background.**

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Prompt by Anonymous: "Cabenson Prompt: (Olivia and Alex in high school) They're sleeping over at Alex's house and Alex just kissed Olivia."

.

June 2, 2013

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* * *

In her experience, slumber parties typically consist of three things: entertainment, food, and late nights talking about boys.

They do not, however, consist of kissing your very female best friend.

But that is exactly what Alex Cabot just did.

Olivia Benson sits on the edge of Alex's bed, stunned into silence. To say that the kiss had been unexpected would be beyond accurate, but to say that it was unwanted…well, that would be dead wrong.

Oh yes, Olivia has wanted this kiss for a very long time. And now that she has gotten it, she wants more.

Their movie continues on, too quiet to hear over their heartbeats pounding in their ears.

Alex stands in the opposite corner of the room, trying to give Olivia as much space as possible. She knows they need to talk about it, but she does not want to scare Olivia away by speaking too soon.

After a few more minutes of silence, it is Olivia that speaks first. "Why now?" she asks, staring at her hands folded in her lap. "When she finally looks up, she almost looks fragile. "Why now, Alex?"

Alex refuses to meet Olivia's eyes. "We're graduating in two days," she says. "I couldn't leave on Thursday without trying."

"Leaving? Where are you going?"

"Paris," Alex says, "for the whole summer. I just found out this morning."

Olivia stays quiet, letting her mind process this information. "You're not coming back to New York, are you?"

Alex shrugs, shakes her head. "My parents are staying in Paris. With Henry stationed in Germany and me going to Boston for school, they don't see the need to stay here."

"So this is it?"

"Not forever."

Olivia rolls her eyes. "How many people stay friends after high school, Al?"

"Not many."

Olivia nods and crosses the room. Standing directly in front of Alex, she presses their lips together. When they finally break apart, Olivia whispers, "I should've done that forever ago."

The end credits of the movie play quietly in the background.

What's coming will come, and they will deal with it when it gets there…together.

.


	28. Chapter 28

**Day 28: Sometimes running away is the best option.**

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Prompt by Anonymous and irene22: "Could you maybe do a sequel to your last ficlet where Alex comes back from Paris and sees Olivia again?"

.

August 22, 2013

(a continuation of Day 27)

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* * *

"You could've called," Olivia says, not looking up from the textbook on the table in front of her.

Alex sits next to Olivia on the bench and sighs. "I knew you wouldn't answer. Am I wrong?"

Olivia's answer is a non-committal shrug.

They sit in silence for a long time; Alex never looks away from Olivia.

"You weren't supposed to come back here," Olivia finally says, still looking at the book. "Why did you?"

"I missed you," Alex responds, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Olivia scoffs. "Am I supposed to believe that?" she asks, finally looking up from the book.

Alex is taken aback by the anger in Olivia's eyes, leaving her temporarily stunned and stuck in her seat.

Olivia closes the textbook and drops it into her backpack. Slinging the bag over her shoulder, she glances once more at Alex and stalks out the door of the New York Public Library.

It takes Alex mere seconds to come to her senses and chase after Olivia.

The next minute is like a scene from some corny romantic comedy.

Alex pushes the library door open with both hands, bursting out into a torrential downpour. The rain soaks through her light clothes as she looks up and down the sidewalk. She does not see Olivia.

Discouraged, she hangs her head and ducks back into the library to call for a cab.

"Alex."

Alex spins around quickly; Olivia stands off to the side of the doors.

"You ran right by me," Olivia says.

Alex smiles crookedly. "I wasn't paying attention."

"I know." Olivia sighs. "I'm still pretty pissed at you."

"I know."

"But" – Olivia takes a step forward and traces Alex's jawline with her finger – "I want this," she whispers.

Alex nods mutely, letting Olivia close the distance between them and press their lips together.

.


	29. Chapter 29

**Day 29: It seems like it was only yesterday when it happened.**

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Continuation of Day 23

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* * *

Olivia relaxes against the smooth edge of the tub, the hot water soothing her tense muscles. Hearing the bathroom door creak, she opens her eyes and says, "You can come in, Alex."

Alex opens the door and slips into the bathroom, a deep blush creeping up her neck. "It's been two and a half years; I wasn't sure…"

Olivia smiles widely and pats the lip of the tub, inviting Alex to sit. "Time may have changed some things, but it could never change how much I love you." She pats the lip of the tub again. "Sit."

Alex nods and sits on the edge of the tub, carefully balancing so she doesn't fall backward into the water. "When you called yesterday to say you were coming home, I didn't believe you."

"Why not?"

"It seemed too good to be true." Alex sighs. "I'm really happy you're home, Liv."

Olivia smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes this time. "Me too."

Alex picks up on Olivia's sudden mood change right away. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Olivia says quickly. She sighs, looking away from Alex. "I was injured," she says, "about a week ago. We were ambushed while we were moving camp. There was an explosion and I was hit by some shrapnel. A piece embedded itself into my shoulder. They want to remove it, but they can't because it's too close to a major artery."

Alex is silent for a few minutes. "That's why you're home," she finally says. It is not a question.

Olivia nods. "My tour wasn't supposed to end for another six months."

"Are you going back when your shoulder heals?"

"No," Olivia says. "I had the option to re-enlist, but I chose to be put on Reserve. I'm ready to be here. I've missed too much already."

"Okay." Alex nods. "Hurry up in here; the twins want to watch a movie before bed."

Alex leaves the room and Olivia quickly finishes washing up. She emerges from the room wearing plaid pajama pants and a gray t-shirt, ready to tackle her new mission of simple domesticity.

.


	30. Chapter 30

**Day 30: I think you should sit down.**

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December 12, 2012

(same universe as Days 27 and 28)

TW: death

.

* * *

It happens on a Wednesday morning while Olivia is in school.

The guidance counselor calls her out of her AP English 4 class and the police officers explain what happened. They try to persuade her to spend the remainder of the week at home, but Olivia is adamant in her desire to stay at school.

The pain doesn't come until she gets home that night.

Olivia unlocks the door and steps into the small apartment. She starts to call out to her mother, but the overbearing silence of the apartment reminds her that calling out would be pointless.

She drops her backpack on the ground and curls up in her mom's favorite chair.

The knock at the door comes a while later – whether it has been minutes or hours, Olivia is unsure. She does not move to open the door, instead choosing to ignore it and pray for whoever it is to go away.

The sound of the key in the lock indicates it can only be one of two people, and that changes everything.

Olivia sits up and wipes at her eyes, hoping it isn't obvious that she's been crying.

"It's me," Alex says, pushing the door open. She walks into the apartment holding two large bags in her hands. Walking into the kitchen, she empties the bags onto the counter and rummages around a bit before coming back into the living room with two plates of Chinese food. She hands one of the plates to Olivia and sits on the couch with her own.

"Thanks," Olivia says, realizing how hungry she actually is.

"No problem," Alex says. She takes a bite of her dinner. "I'm here if you want to talk."

Olivia nods her thanks and continues eating. "How'd you know?" she asks a few minutes later.

"My dad's the DA for Manhattan."

Again, Olivia nods. "Do you think you can go with me to collect her belongings tomorrow? I understand if that's too much to ask, but I just…I didn't want to go alone."

_Typical Olivia_, Alex thinks, _always so stoic and independent_. "I don't mind," she says.

Olivia manages a small smile. _I think I'm in love with you, Alex Cabot_, she thinks.

.


	31. Chapter 31

**Day 31: It's impossible not to care.**

.

Continuation of Day 30

December 13, 2012

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* * *

Olivia falls asleep almost as soon as she sits on the loveseat in Alex's bedroom. Alex smiles and covers Olivia with a throw blanket before lying on her bed.

Alex releases a long sigh and rubs at her tired eyes. The day has been long and emotionally taxing and all Alex wants to do is sleep, but the thoughts running through her mind are keeping her awake. Alex sighs again and looks over at Olivia.

Even in her sleep, Olivia is guarded. Her face shows no sign of grief or vulnerability.

Alex can't help but think of the way Olivia had grasped at her hand while they were at the morgue. A warm feeling spreads through her body at the memory of the touch, leaving Alex feeling equal parts guilty and content.

Olivia whimpers in her sleep; Alex sits up, ready to help if need be. Olivia whimpers again, a tear slipping from her eye.

"Liv," Alex whispers, moving to sit next to Olivia on the couch and resting her hand on Olivia's knee. "Liv, wake up."

Olivia jolts awake, quickly opening her eyes. "Where am I?" she asks, panic-stricken. She blinks and looks around the room, relaxing as the scenery becomes familiar. "What happened?"

"I think you were having a nightmare," Alex says.

Olivia runs her hands over her face, wiping the sleep from her eyes. "Didn't mean to fall asleep," she mumbles, curling up against the side of the couch and closing her eyes.

Alex just smiles and rubs Olivia's knee. "Don't worry about it, Liv. Just go back to sleep."

"Okay," Olivia says, letting sleep claim her. "Love you."

Alex could swear her heart nearly stops, though she knows Olivia won't remember saying those two words in the morning. When she's sure Olivia is asleep, she whispers, "Love you too."

Olivia, still awake, just smiles.

.


	32. Chapter 32

**Day 32: That's a lot of blood.**

.

Prompt by HKS: "Alex and Olivia are both cops and are partnered together."

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Late August 1999

.

* * *

"Dumbass," Officer Olivia Benson says, leaning against the doorframe of her partner's hospital room, her signature smirk firmly in place.

Officer Alex Cabot drops her pen and looks up from the crossword puzzle on the table in front of her. "What are you doing here, Benson?" she asks, not even bothering to mask the hostility in her voice.

Olivia's smirk falters ash she moves into the room and sits on the edge of the bed. "You're my partner; I came to check on you."

Alex scoffs, rolls her eyes. "Check on me? You're the reason I'm in this predicament," she yells, gesturing toward the lower half of her body. "If you had just listened to me, we never would've been ambushed."

Olivia shakes her head. "That's bull, Alex. They got the drop on us. We did everything by the book."

There is fire in Alex's eyes. "That's easy for you to say," she says, her voice like ice. "You're not the one confined to a hospital bed." She pauses, wiping away the tears that have started to form in the corners of her eyes. "The doctor came in today."

"What did he say?"

"There's still too much swelling in my spine."

Olivia shakes her head confusedly. "What does that mean, Alex?"

"If the swelling doesn't go down, I might never walk again."

"There's gotta be something they can do," Olivia says, taking hold of Alex's hand. "There's gotta be something someone can do."

Alex shakes her head sadly. "There's nothing to do but wait." Alex gives Olivia a small smile and gently squeezes her hand. 'Did the results from your detective's exam come in?"

"Yeah." Olivia smiles and takes a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. Unfolding it, she hands it to Alex.

"99%?" Alex exclaims. "That's amazing, Liv." She smiles, handing the paper back to Olivia.

Olivia nods, folds the paper, and puts it back in her pocket. She stands up and walks to the top of Alex's bed. "The ceremony's this Saturday," she says, brushing Alex's hair off her forehead, "and I start in the Special Victims Unit on Monday."

"So you came to say goodbye," Alex says. It is not a question.

"No." She leans down and presses her lips to Alex's. Pulling back, she says, "There was a lot of blood when you were shot. I couldn't understand how a person could lose that much blood. But I realized then that I couldn't lose you." She shakes her head and smiles. "This isn't goodbye."

"You complete idiot," Alex yells. She grabs the front of Olivia's shirt and pulls her down, pressing their lips together.

.


	33. Chapter 33

**Day 33: He wondered how long this secret had been kept from him.**

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Mid-Season 4; November 28, 2002 – Thanksgiving

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* * *

The Thanksgiving Morning Cops vs. Lawyers Softball game is in full-swing, with the lawyers up by three and the cops covered in mud.

By the end of the final inning, the lawyers make four more runs and the cops make two. This brings the totals to: Lawyers 9, and Cops 4. Captain Cragen presents the trophy to Liz Donnelly, and Alex gloats throughout the entire ride to the Stabler House where she and Olivia are having dinner.

Elliot Stabler is not a stupid man – he may be a little inattentive, a little blind at times, but he is certainly not stupid. He's noticed the lingering touches and stolen glances between his partner and their ADA.

"So what's going on with you two?" he asks after dinner while there is a lull in the conversation.

The dining room is completely silent. The only sound is that of the kids playing video games in the other room.

Olivia blushes deeply and looks as though she wants to crawl under the table and hide there forever. Alex, however, is smiling smugly.

"Elliot," Kathy admonishes.

"It's not a problem, Kathy," Alex says. She takes hold of Olivia's hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "Olivia and I are together," she says.

"How long?" Elliot asks.

Olivia looks up, finally meeting Elliot's eyes. "Eight months today, she says."

"Eight months?" Elliot yells. "You two have been together eight months and you're just now telling us?"

Olivia shrugs. "Cragen and Donnelly already know. That's why Alex hasn't been handling our cases."

Elliot nods. "And you're…happy?"

"Yeah," Olivia says, her voice full of conviction. "Yeah, I am."

"You're happy too, Alex?" Elliot asks.

Alex nods. "I am."

"Good," Elliot says, standing and walking into the kitchen. "Anybody want a beer?" he asks, opening the fridge door.

.


	34. Chapter 34

**Day 34: Every muscle and joint ached, every breath was a struggle.**

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Prompt by trace619: "Alex in labor. I have a feeling it would be more painful for the doctors and nurses than Alex." (I hope I did this prompt justice.)

.

Continuation of Day 12.

.

* * *

Olivia's left hand is swollen and sore and she's almost sure one of her fingers is broken. She hisses as the cold icepack comes in contact with her overheated hand.

"I'm sorry," Alex says for the umpteenth time.

"It's fine," Olivia says, also for the umpteenth time.

It comes down to a staring contest that Olivia loses. Alex smiles smugly, crossing her arms over her chest. Too exhausted to laugh, Olivia just rolls her eyes.

"Do you think I should apologize to them?" Alex asks, long after Olivia thinks she has fallen asleep.

Olivia looks up at her wife, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Who?"

Alex sighs. "The nurses."

Olivia chuckles, earning herself a pointed glare from Alex. "You were kinda harsh, Al, but I'm sure they understand."

Alex takes in this information and mulls it over in her mind. "I'm going to apologize," she says resolutely.

Olivia nods. "Okay," she says. Standing up, she presses a light kiss to Alex's forehead. "I'm going to get something for dinner; you hungry?"

Alex shakes her head. "You go. Say hit to Elliot and Kathy for me."

"Okay." Olivia presses another kiss to Alex's forehead. "Love you."

Alex smiles. "Love you too."

When Olivia gets back to the room forty-five minutes later – after taking a detour to look in at their babies – Alex is fast asleep. She presses another kiss to the top of Alex's head and sits down in the chair next to the bed to enjoy her dinner.

.


	35. Chapter 35

**Day 35: I want to sleep for an eternity.**

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Takes place a week after Days 12 and 34

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* * *

"Benson," Elliot says, throwing a balled-up piece of paper at his partner's head. "Benson, wake up."

"Five more minutes," Olivia mumbles, her voice muffled by the fact that the side of her face is pressed against her desk.

"Liv, you gotta wake up."

Olivia groans and sits up, fixing Elliot with an icy glare. She runs her hands over her face and looks at her watch. 11:52 am. She groans again. "What?"

"You should go up to the crib if you're gonna sleep."

Olivia looks across the room at the stairs and nearly cries. The effort and energy it would take to make it up the stairs is more than she has left. "No," she says, resting her head back on her desk. "I've gotten less than eight hours of sleep all week."

Elliot laughs. "Welcome to parenthood, Liv."

Olivia doesn't even have the energy to glare at him.

"C'mon," Elliot says, standing up and tapping Olivia's shoulder.

"Where?" Olivia asks, looking up at Elliot.

"I'm getting lunch; you're going home."

"But–"

Elliot shakes his head. "You're not good here if you're dead on your feet."

Olivia does not argue. She just grabs her keys and follows Elliot to the car. She is asleep as soon as she sits down.

.

* * *

AN: Alright, everyone, back to our regularly scheduled updates! Also, if you want to keep sending in prompts/ideas, that'd be amazing!


	36. Chapter 36

**Day 36: She could feel the bone.**

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jjmcjojo's 3-sentence fic prompt

TW: death, plane crash.

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Late 2004

.

* * *

This is not happening.

This really cannot be happening.

But it is.

You force your eyes to open and blink until you can see through the pain. And then you blink again just so you are sure about what you are seeing.

Less than fifteen feet away from you is a giant, mangled hunk of metal that is supposed to be flying in the goddamn sky.

Instead, it is in pieces on the forest floor and you are in a tree and Alex is…Alex is pinned under the wing.

You maneuver yourself out of the tree very carefully and down to the ground, avoiding putting any pressure on your left leg. On the ground, with your legs out in front of you, you can see the damage that has been done.

There is a gash on your shin that is so deep, you're sure you can see the bone. And you know there are other injuries too.

But you have bigger things to worry about.

Like making sure Alex is alive.

You are dizzy with pain, nearly unable to move, but you manage to drag your body over to where she is stuck and prop yourself up and take hold of her warm hand.

There are cuts all over her face, but they pale in comparison to the blood that is steadily leaking out of the corner of her mouth. The last words she ever says to you are: "I love you. Forever."

And then she is gone and you are left sitting there alone, saying her name over and over like a prayer, like reverence, like a promise, until your voice is hoarse and your throat is raw and stinging and tears are leaking from your eyes uncontrollably.

But you continue to say her name until pain or blood loss drags you into unconsciousness. And then there is nothing but her standing in front of you in a white dress and she is reaching for your hand.

When you get close enough to kiss her, everything disappears.

You wake up in a bright white hospital room.

She is gone.

.


	37. Chapter 37

**Day 37: I'm scared for you.**

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Prompt by Anonymous: "Cabenson Prompt: continuation of 34 – Alex and Liv go to their children's first t-ball game."

Same universe as days 12, 34, and 35

.

* * *

Olivia and Jake are already at the park when Alex and Ella arrive.

Jake, in his green shirt, grabs Olivia's hand and drags her across the field to greet his mother and sister. Jake stops directly in front of Ella and the twins give each other a hard look before breaking into giggles and smiles.

"Sorry we're late," Alex says, greeting Olivia with a kiss, "Ella didn't want to leave karate."

Olivia laughs and takes her wife's hand, following the twins back to the baseball diamond. "That's alright," she says. "I couldn't get Jake to put his pants on. I had to promise him an extra hour of painting before bed."

"Think he'll remember?"

Olivia nods. "Oh, yeah. Hopefully he'll be too tired from the game though." She lets go of Alex's hand to scoop Ella, whose shirt is orange, into her arms and bring her to the other dugout, where the kids in orange shirts are sitting.

"I know Mommy thinks winning is important," Olivia says, kneeling in front of Ella, "but it isn't. Just have fun. Okay, baby?" Ella nods and Olivia kisses the top of her head.

On the other side of the field, Alex is giving Jake a slightly different bit of advice.

"I know Mama says the fun is in playing the game," she says, kneeling in front of their son, "but winning is fun too." She looks up to see Olivia looking at her disapprovingly. "Just play hard. Okay, buddy?" Jake nods and Alex kisses the top of his head.

Alex joins Olivia at the fence to watch the twins' first t-ball game.

"You gave him the 'Winning is Fun' speech, didn't you?" Olivia asks.

Alex has the decency to look abashed. "How'd you know?"

"I heard you give the same one to Ella today."

"Winning is fun, Liv."

Olivia just rolls her eyes.

Alex spends the duration of the game yelling with the other parents while Olivia slinks away in embarrassment. At one point, she has to physically intervene as Alex gets into a heated argument with another parent.

"They're four, Alex," Olivia says, dragging Alex to the other side of the field before she makes an even bigger scene. "Four! This is the Major Leagues."

"He was out of line," Alex yells.

Olivia shakes her head. "If you're acting like this at a t-ball game, there's no way we're signing them up for hockey this winter."

Alex groans. "He was out of line, Liv."

There is loud cheering as Ella hits the ball that allows her team to win the game. She runs over to her moms, smiling wider than they knew she could. Behind her, Jake is sulking.

Olivia picks him up and hugs him tightly. "Ice cream for dinner," she announces.

Everyone's mood brightens.

.


	38. Chapter 38

**Day 38: She's not in the mood for visitors. **

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August 15, 2009

.

* * *

On the fifth anniversary of her mother's death, Alex does not show up for work. She does not call in sick; she does not answer her phone.

Getting Alex's answering machine for the fifth time in as many minutes, Olivia presses the end button on her cellphone and sighs. She looks across her desk at Elliot (who is trying to balance a pencil on his finger) and says, "Have you heard from Alex?"

Elliot shakes his head, focusing intently on the pencil. "You've been sitting across from me for four hours, Liv. Has my phone rung at all?"

Olivia rolls her eyes and stands up. Shoving her phone in her pocket, she grabs the keys to the cruiser off Elliot's desk. "If Cragen asks, tell him I went to get lunch."

"Will do," Elliot says, still refusing to look away from the balancing pencil.

…

…

The knock on her door at just after noon does not surprise Alex. In fact, Alex does not register it at all. She just continues to stare blankly at the picture on her coffee table.

"Alex," Olivia says, knocking on the door again, "I know you're in there. Let me in."

This, Alex does respond to. She throws a pillow at the door and says, "I'm not in the mood for company, Olivia."

Olivia sighs, letting her head fall against the door. "Let me in, Alex."

"No."

"You're acting like a child."

Alex scoffs. "I am not."

"Let me in Alex, or so help me God, I will kick down this door. You know I can do it."

This is not an empty threat and Alex knows it. Rolling her eyes, she gets up from the couch and opens the door. "What?"

"Can I come in?"

"Must you?"

Olivia shrugs. "I'd rather not have this conversation like this."

"What conversation?"

"It's the fifth anniversary," Olivia says, her expression softening.

Alex steps aside and allows Olivia to enter the apartment. "I don't want to talk about it," she says, going back to her spot on the couch.

"You don't have to. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Alex pulls her throw blanket over her body and sighs. "I'm fine."

Olivia quirks her eyebrow doubtfully. "You didn't call in to work today."

Alex shrugs. "Forgot."

"Why'd you come back to SVU, Alex?"

Alex looks at Olivia confusedly. "What?"

"Why'd you come back? I'm sure you had your pick of any bureau you wanted. What made you come back to SVU?"

"It's challenging and it looks good politically."

Olivia rolls her eyes. "Don't," she says. "You're not that person anymore, Alex."

Alex tenses up. "That's the point," she says through gritted teeth. "I don't know who I am anymore." She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I'm not the Alex you knew, Liv. She died on that sidewalk all those years ago."

"She didn't," Olivia says, taking hold of Alex's hands. "You're still the same Alex you were all those years ago. You're still the same Alex I fell in love with." She picks up the picture on the table. "And this proves it. This new Alex wouldn't keep this picture out."

The picture is of her and Alex at Elliot's 2001 Fourth of July party. They are looking at each other like no one else in the world exists.

Maybe, on that day, they didn't.

.


	39. Chapter 39

**Day 39: Tell Me: Have you ever been afraid like this?**

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Post Season 13

.

* * *

"It looks like a box on wheels," Olivia says, looking down at the cradle on the bed.

Alex scoffs, shooting her wife a look of irritation. "They're ovals, Liv, and they're mean to provide stability and a gentle rocking motion."

Olivia cocks her head. "It still looks like a box on wheels."

"She's going to love it."

"Let's test that theory." Olivia places the baby in her arms in the cradle, watching closely for any sign of discomfort. Almost at once, the baby is asleep.

Alex looks at Olivia smugly. "I told you."

Olivia does not look away from their daughter, her smile fading to a look of pure fear and worry.

"Liv," Alex says, resting her hand on Olivia's forearm, "you okay?"

Olivia shakes her head. "I don't think I've ever been so afraid in my life."

Alex's eyebrows knit in confusion. "What are you talking about, Liv?"

"I'm scared out of my mind, Alex."

"Why?"

Olivia runs her hand through her long hair and sighs, unsure of where to begin. "I…We…We're responsible for this life, Alex. I mean, up until a year ago, we were fighting constantly. And now we're parents. And…And what if she hates us? What if something happens? What if I'm not good at this?"

Alex places her hands on either side of Olivia's face and kisses her deeply. "I love you, Olivia Benson, so much. You're just as worried and scared as any other new parent. But you don't need to be. She's going to love us, and she's going to adore you. You're everything a person could hope to be."

.


	40. Chapter 40

**Day 40: Her hands were still with cold.**

.

Late November 2006

(Lyrics from Miranda Lambert's "The House That Built Me")

.

* * *

_I know they say_

_You can't go home again._

_But I just had to come back_

_One more time._

Parked in the driveway of a small, condemned house in South Boston, Alex grips the steering wheel tightly. Tears sting at the corners of her eyes and then fall, making tracks down her cheeks until they fall into her lap. Blood rushes loudly in her ears and her heart feels like it is going to jump out of her chest.

Olivia sits in the passenger seat, watching Alex closely. Her left hand rests on Alex's right knee; her thumb moves in comforting circles. "You are Alexandra Elizabeth Cabot," she whispers. "You are the Bureau Chief of Manhattan Homicide. You are beautiful and strong and smart and fearless."

Alex's grip on the steering wheel tightens. "I am Alexandra Elizabeth Cabot," she says. "I was born on May 24, 1974 at Massachusetts General Hospital." She breathes in deeply, releasing it in a long, shuddering breath. "I am Alexandra Elizabeth Cabot, Bureau Chief of Manhattan Homicide." Her grip on the steering wheel loosens and she closes her eyes, resting her head against the back of her seat.

Olivia lightly squeezes Alex's knee. "Better?"

Alex nods. Opening her eyes, she stares at the house. "I was not born into money," she says. "My mother had money, but she left me with my dad when I was three months old. He made a decent living as a high school Government teacher. When I was eighteen, I learned that my mother had set up a trust fund for me. There was enough money in it for me to put myself through school and still never have to work." She laughs self-deprecatingly and shakes her head. "From meager beginnings to multi-millionaire overnight."

"Why'd you come here, Alex?"

_You leave home, you move on, and you do the best you can._

_I got lost in this whole world_

_And forgot who I am._

_I thought if I could touch this place or feel it,_

_The brokenness inside me might start healing._

_Out here it's like I'm someone else._

_I thought that maybe I could find myself._

"This is where I grew up." Alex sighs. "This is Alex. This is the little girl with broken bones and cuts and perfect vision. This is t-shirts and jeans and street hockey. This is who I was before New York. I thought if I came back, I would find her again."

Olivia blinks back stinging tears. "Did you?"

"No," Alex says, turning her head to look at Olivia. "I found someone better."

.


	41. Chapter 41

**Day 41: Just sign it.**

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Same universe as Day 21.

Year: 2010

.

* * *

The conference room of Pearlman, Tetro, & Clark has five floor-to-ceiling windows that overlook Central Park.

Olivia stands in front of these windows, her arms crossed over her chest, irritated beyond belief. The soft click of the door and heels on the wooden floor makes her turn around. Alex and her lawyer are sitting at the table, looking through a large stack of paper.

"Are you filing for divorce on our third anniversary?" Olivia asks. She tries to smile to show Alex she is joking, but the mere thought makes her nauseous.

Alex looks at her wife disapprovingly. "The procedure took," she says, "and I am now seven months pregnant."

Olivia nods, sitting in the seat across from Alex. "Okay?"

"I have to make sure you and the baby are taken care of should anything happen to me."

"Alex–"

"Cancer runs in my family, Olivia."

"You didn't have to make your Will."

"You have one."

"I'm a cop," Olivia yells. "We have our Wills and Funeral Arrangements ready by our first day on the job."

"Liv," Alex says, reaching across the table and taking hold of Olivia's hands, "I nearly died six and a half years ago. I'm just being cautious."

"I know," Olivia relents. "I just…I don't know." She sighs, letting go of Alex's hands and picking up a pen. "What and where do I sign?"

.


	42. Chapter 42

**Day 42: It was gray out, windy and cold like flu season had finally settled in.**

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Post-Loss, Pre-Ghost; December 18, 2004

.

* * *

Cold, mid-December winds whip through the streets of Madison, Wisconsin, nipping at noses and biting through jackets. Dark-gray clouds blanket the sky, threatening snow at any moment.

Emily Mitchell stands in the living room of her downtown apartment, staring blankly out the window, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Her blond hair is pulled up into a loose ponytail, and the dark semi-circles under her eyes indicate she hasn't been sleeping well.

The smell of gingerbread and hot chocolate wafts through the air, filling the living room with warmth and comfort. If she tried, it could feel like home. If she tried, it could feel like a perfectly fine future.

But she doesn't try, not really.

Because her home – her future – lies nearly 1000 miles away in a small, New-York-City apartment.

Emily sighs as strong arms wrap around her waist and his body presses against her. "It's beautiful," he says, "the way the sky looks before it snows."

Emily tilts her head and squints her eyes, trying to see the world through his optimistic perspective. "Sure," she says.

His resulting chuckle is deep and shakes through their bodies. "You don't see it, do you?" Emily shakes her head. "That's alright. You'll see it after the snow falls."

Truthfully, Emily highly doubts that.

If she was being honest with herself – which she rarely is anymore – she hasn't seen the beauty in anything since the fateful night of October 1, 2003.

Since the last time she was Alexandra Cabot, Assistant District Attorney of Manhattan Special Victims Unit.

Since the last time she looks into Olivia Benson's eyes and saw a future there.

.


	43. Chapter 43

**Day 43: Dust lay thick on every surface, and the nooks and crannies of the house were heaped with dirt.**

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January 2006

.

* * *

Olivia is waiting for her when she gets to the apartment.

"You don't have to do this, Alex," Olivia says.

Alex smiles nervously and takes the key from Olivia. "If not now, then when?" she asks, unlocking the door and pushing it open.

The inside is strikingly familiar yet maddeningly different.

Like a memory that just can't be placed.

The dark table by the door with the empty vase, the paintings on the hall walls, the coat rack in the hall closet are all covered in dust.

Deeper into the apartment, the air is stale and still and has a slight smell of fried eggs to it.

Olivia grins. "I cleaned it as best I could on the day of your…"

"My funeral?"

Olivia nods. "Yeah. But the smell of breakfast wouldn't go."

"Was that the last day you were in here?" Alex asks, running her finger through the dust on the kitchen table.

"Yeah," Olivia says, nodding. "I couldn't bring myself to come in here."

Looking around the dust-covered apartment, Alex sighs. "We should've hired a maid," she says dejectedly.

.


	44. Chapter 44

**Day 44: The hum of bugs hung in the air around us, filling up the silence where the screams and explosions should be.**

.

Welcome to the New Age Universe, Day of Impact; October 19, 2001.

.

* * *

Devoid of the ever-present screams and the shrieking of bending metal, the silence of the warm night is overbearing. It presses down on them, suffocating survivors with its weight and utter emptiness.

Fallout shelters across the tri-state area are packed to their maximum. Unable to get to a shelter in time, Alex and Olivia are camped out in the basement of the 16th Precinct. Their bedding is made up of extra jackets and other soft items they could find.

"How's your head?" Alex asks, rolling onto her side and draping her arm over Olivia's abdomen.

"Fine," Olivia mumbles, stifling a groan of pain, "just a little sore."

"What's sore?"

"Everything."

Alex sits up and looks at Olivia in the soft, yellow glow of the emergency lights; Olivia's face is an impressive mask of impassivity. She presses the back of her hand to Olivia's forehead, surprised by the heat she finds there.

"Liv, we need to get you to a hospital."

"No, Alex, I'm fine. I already talked to Kathy about it."

"What'd she say?"

"It's just a fever; it's not a big deal."

Sighing, Alex rolls her eyes. "For the sake of my sanity, can you just tell me what she said?"

"Inflammation" – Olivia sighs – "in my shoulder. Kathy thinks there's an injury to my rotator cuff." She groans, readjusting herself on the bedding. "It's not a big deal, Alex."

"You're injured and you still volunteered to be on the Search and Rescue team?"

"I'll be fine in the morning."

Alex scoffs. "I highly doubt that, Olivia." She settles back against Olivia's right side and presses a kiss to her cheek. "But I'll let you think that way because I love you."

Olivia chuckles. "Yeah? Well, I love you too."

.


	45. Chapter 45

**Day 45: I feel so dirty.**

.

Summer 2002

.

* * *

At the top of the mountain, Olivia leans her bike against a tree and takes her helmet off.

Finally reaching the top of the mountain, Alex leans her bike against the tree opposite Olivia and takes her helmet off, glaring at Olivia the whole time. "You have helmet head," she says, slipping her own hair out of its low ponytail and shaking it out.

Olivia laughs and runs her hand through her hair. "Havin' fun?"

If looks could kill…

Alex's eyes are shooting daggers at Olivia. "What made you think I would enjoy this?"

"C'mon, Al. Where's your sense of adventure?"

"In the bedroom," Alex says, her voice dangerously low. "Liv, you do realize this is our honeymoon, right?"

Olivia nods. "I've wanted to do these trails for years, Alex."

Alex frowns. "I'm sorry," she says, resting her hands on Olivia's hips and pressing a kiss to her lips. "I'm sorry."

Olivia bites her bottom lip, badly stifling a laugh.

"What?" Alex asks.

"You have mud on your face," Olivia says, laughing, "and in your hair."

Alex sighs defeatedly. "You're lucky I love you, Olivia Benson."

.

* * *

AN: This is the halfway point, everyone! I just want to thank you all for reading; your support means a lot to me. And I'll see you all tonight around 11:30 ET for tonight's chapter!


	46. Chapter 46

**Day 46: She felt light-headed, dizzy, too slow for the world rushing past her.**

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"Loss" AU

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Prompt from Anonymous: Olivia and Alex had a fight before work and then had to leave in a hurry. They were unable to make up before Alex was murdered. After Alex's death, Olivia returns to their apartment and sees Alex's things and breaks down.

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TW: death

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* * *

She never wanted this.

She never wanted any of this.

Olivia kicks the door closed behind her and leans against it, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes until she is sure this nightmare is over.

But when she opens her eyes, she is still stuck in this Hell.

And Alex's belongings still litter their apartment.

Worn-in running sneakers under the table by the door, Harvard hoodie draped over the back of the couch, extra pair of glasses on the coffee table, the well-read copy of _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone _on her bedside table.

The sun rises at 6:51 on September 30, 2003.

Alex has been dead for 7 hours and 23 minutes.

Olivia is still sitting on the kitchen floor with her knees pulled up to her chest, a picture of her and Alex clutched tightly in her hands.

Her world is shattered worse than a broken mirror, and the emptiness that has consumed her is worse than any grief she could possibly imagine.

A voice – Alex's voice – tells her to sleep, tells her not to worry. But every time closes her eyes, she sees Alex lying on the sidewalk, her life pouring out onto the cement.

It keeps her awake; it keeps her wounded, breaking her over and over.

The pain is unbearable and nothing makes it better.

Alex's favorite coffee cup sits empty on the counter, a lipstick stain still adorning it.

She reaches up and pushes it off the counter; it shatters into a million little pieces when it hits the ground.

Her dreams shatter with it.

.


	47. Chapter 47

**Day 47: I don't like to let on how much of a mess I am.**

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Mid-Season 3

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* * *

Alex tosses her glasses onto her desk and leans back in her chair, closing her eyes. Sighing, she rubs at her right hand, trying to massage the pain out of it.

If only Langan would stop trying to drown her in paperwork…

The tentative knock on her office's open door nearly makes her groan. "Liv," she says, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Olivia smiles and holds up a large, brown, paper bag. "Dinner," she says, entering Alex's office and closing the door behind her. She sits in one of the client chairs and starts to empty the bag onto Alex's desk. "I figured you hadn't eaten yet."

Alex quickly pushes aside her paperwork and rolls her eyes. "Langan's kept me pretty busy today; I didn't even realize what time…" She looks up, eyes wide. "I didn't forget about dinner plans, did I?"

Olivia looks pointedly at the bag. "Hence the dinner."

"Oh God, Liv," Alex says, "I'm so sorry."

Olivia shakes her head. "I knew you'd be late tonight when you didn't stop in at the precinct this morning."

Alex opens her take-out box and smiles. "Is this the Uptown Salad from that place on East 44th?"

Olivia nods. "With chicken."

Alex takes a bite of her salad and moans. "I love…this. I love this. Thank you, Liv."

"I got your note this morning," Olivia says, changing the subject a few minutes later.

"Yeah?"

Olivia grins and takes a folded-up piece of paper out of her pocket, setting it on Alex's desk. It's chicken scratch and partially-formed letters.

"It took me a while to decipher it, but I think I got it." She pauses for dramatic effect; Alex rolls her eyes. Olivia smirks. "I love you too," she says.

.


	48. Chapter 48

**Day 48: This is incredibly bad timing.**

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Season 4, very AU

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Prompt: Olivia has been dating Brian Cassidy for three years. When he proposes and Olivia says yes, Alex finally has the catalyst to push her into admitting her feelings for Olivia.

.

* * *

This is stupid.

This is a stupid, ridiculous, childish mistake.

And even as Alex begins to speak, she knows what she's doing is moronic.

"I object," she says.

And those two words carry the weight of the world.

Almost fifty pairs of eyes – each wearing the same, horrified expression – are on her, but she doesn't care; her focus is on the brunette standing at the altar.

Her hands shake, and the bouquet of flowers she is holding slip from her hands and fall to the ground. But determination radiates off her in palpable waves.

"I object," she says again.

Brian blushes furiously and stares at the ground.

Olivia turns and looks at Alex, fire in her eyes. "Alex," she says. Her voice holds a warning, but it also holds something deeper, something _more_.

Alex shakes her head. "I object," she says for a third time. Her voice wavers, but she stands resolute. "This" – she gestures around the grand ceremony – "this is not you, Olivia Benson. This is not who you are." Alex sighs. "I'm sorry, Liv, but I can't stand by while you make the biggest mistake of your life. And Brian really is a good guy, but…" She freezes, the adrenaline of the past few minutes catching up with her. "I'm sorry."

Shaking her head, she turns on her heel and strides out of the church, her head held high.

It is raining lightly when Alex gets outside; the water is cool against her overheated skin. Her heart pounds forcefully in her chest.

The sound of the church door opening is loud, as are the footsteps approaching her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Olivia asks.

Alex shrugs. "I didn't mean to ruin your wedding."

Olivia chuckles bitterly. "This was a mistake."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, Alex Cabot. I love _you_."

.


	49. Chapter 49

**Day 49: The grass was soft and cool on her cheek.**

.

Pre 'Of Honor Societies and Extracurricular Activities'; Summer 2011

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* * *

The grass is soft and cool even though the night is warm. Alex and Olivia are lying out in the field behind the Cabot's Connecticut house, staring up at the starry night sky.

Olivia sighs, smiling contentedly. Her hands are clasped behind her head with her elbows pointing outward. "Nice night," she says, glancing over at Alex, whose head is resting on Olivia's right elbow.

Alex nods, her long hair tickling Olivia's arm. "You said that last night."

"Last night was nice too."

"Nicer than tonight?"

Olivia sighs, pretending to ponder the question. "No. Tonight is nicer."

Alex laughs and rolls onto her side, leaning up on her elbow and placing her right hand on Olivia's stomach. "Why?"

Olivia is going to pass out, she's sure of it. The heat from Alex's hand is scorching her through her thin tank-top. She closes her eyes, vainly trying to control her erratic heartbeat. When she opens them, Alex is looking at her with an amused expression on her face. "What was the question?"

Smirking, Alex quirks her eyebrow at Olivia. "Why is tonight nicer than last night?"

"I…uh…the stars! And…uh…the moon?" Olivia smiles sheepishly.

Alex snorts, rolling onto her back and copying the position Olivia is laying in. "Good one, Benson. You sounded really intelligent for a minute there."

Olivia chuckles, glad Alex can't see the blush creeping up her neck. "Shut up, Alex. You caught me off guard."

"Yeah," Alex says, "sure I did. Maybe the moon and the stars were monopolizing your attention."

"You're an ass, Alex Cabot."

"But you love me anyway."

Olivia sighs. _You have no idea_, she thinks.

.


	50. Chapter 50

**Day 50: There were smoldering piles of debris and sooty rubble everywhere.**

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Welcome to the New Age Universe, Day 1; October 20, 2001

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* * *

On the morning of October 20, 2001, the sun rises over a broken city.

National Guard helicopters hover over New York City, observing the smoldering piles of debris and sooty rubble littering the landscape. Armored trucks drive through the safer areas of the city, administering aid and sifting through rubble as best they can.

There are no windows in the basement of the 16th Precinct.

When Olivia wakes up, she does not immediately recognize her surroundings. The events of the previous day feel as though they occurred in a dream; the only thing reminding her that they actually happened is the persistent pain in her head.

Sitting up slowly, Olivia groans internally as she looks into the darkness of the room, and sighs in defeat, remembering what life has thrown at them and where they are now. Lying back, Olivia goes over every memory of the events, trying to piece them together and figure out a plan.

Rolling back onto her side, Alex drapes her arm over Olivia's abdomen and groans softly. "Stop thinking so loud," she mumbles against Olivia's arm.

Olivia chuckles. "I'm sorry," she says. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Phone died around 3:30 this morning."

Olivia sighs. "We should get up."

"You weren't supposed to fall asleep."

"It was an accident."

Alex sighs and sits up. "How are you feeling?"

Olivia groans, pushing herself to a sitting position. "Better. Still sore, but definitely better."

The door at the top of the stairs opens, flooding the basement in light.

"Liv," Elliot says, "Alex? You guys down here?"

"Yeah," Olivia responds.

"National Guard's here. Time to suit up."

"Be right up." Olivia places a kiss on Alex's lips. "I'll see you tonight."

"I'm coming with you," Alex says.

"What? Alex, no."

Alex shakes her head, forestalling Olivia's argument against her decision. "I can't do nothing while you guys are out there, Liv."

Olivia sighs dejectedly. "Alright," she says. "Let's go."

.


	51. Chapter 51

**Day 51: She wished she could let her go, let it all go, but she knew that was impossible.**

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After Alex returns from the Congo

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* * *

It doesn't take a genius to figure out she's avoiding you.

In fact, it only takes ten unanswered texts, five rejected phone calls, three visits to her apartment, and a talk with her partner that leaves you feeling empty.

But it doesn't take a genius.

When two months pass and she still hasn't acknowledged you, you try to forget about her, about everything you had.

That proves to be easier said than done.

You see her face in every crowd, and memories of her linger in your apartment.

She is in your dreams at night.

And when you wake up at 3am from dreams that turn to nightmares, she is there in your adrenaline-fueled haze.

But when the anxiety and the fear wear off, she is gone, and you are left alone in an empty bed.

As time goes on, you find you don't miss her as much as you used to.

The realization hits you on a sunny day and makes you feel just a little more free.

Then you see her on your first day back at the D.A.'s Office. When she looks at you, there is a warmth in her eyes that is unexpected and stirs up a whirlwind of emotions inside you.

Her name tumbles out of your mouth before you have a chance to stop it.

She turns around and looks at you, a light smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "I'm sorry," she says. "I should've called." She shifts her gaze to the wall behind you. "I miss you."

It is little more than a whisper, and she walks away nervously as soon as she says it.

But it is something.

.


	52. Chapter 52

**Day 52: They don't think I'm strong enough to do this on my own.**

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Same Universe as Days 12, 34, 35, and 37.

.

* * *

The wooden crib lays in pieces, scattered throughout the living room. Olivia sits cross-legged in the center of the room, surrounded by tools and four empty bottles of that fancy juice Alex buys her. Her brow wrinkles in confusion as she stares at the set of instructions in her hands.

She scoffs, throwing the instructions onto the floor in front of her. She leans back against the couch and closes her eyes.

That is where Alex finds her two hours later.

"Liv," Alex says, kneeling next to her wife. "Liv, wake up."

Olivia opens her eyes slowly, a groggy smile forming on her lips. Standing up, she stretches her sore muscles. "I think I fell asleep," she says, looking down at the still-unassembled crib.

Alex quirks her eyebrow and smirks. "You think?"

"I don't think you understand, Alex." Olivia picks up the instructions and hands them to Alex. "Half these pictures don't make any sense."

Alex rolls her eyes and looks down at the paper in her hands. "Don't be ridiculous, Liv. I'm sure it…this looks extremely difficult."

Olivia crosses her arms over her chest and smirks smugly. "I told you."

Alex sits on the couch and continues staring at the instructions. Eventually, she leans her head back against the couch and closes her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Liv."

"Yeah?"

"We're buying a new crib."

.


	53. Chapter 53

**Day 53: They sat for a long time in silence.**

.

Loss AU

.

* * *

"I can't believe you're doing this," Olivia yells, barging into Alex's home office.

Alex picks her glasses up off her desk and slips them on, looking up at Olivia. She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest, regarding Olivia with an unnerving calmness. "Doing what?"

Olivia scoffs and throws her hands in the air, pacing the length of the room. "This," she yells.

Alex fights the urge to laugh at her frustrated girlfriend. "Liv, you're going to have to be more specific than that."

Olivia groans and falls unceremoniously onto the leather couch across the room from Alex's desk. "You're leaving," she says dejectedly, looking everywhere but directly at Alex.

Alex's brow wrinkles in confusion. "I thought we agreed on this."

"We did." Olivia sighs, running her hands over her face. "I guess I just wasn't expecting it to happen this soon."

Alex smiles softly. "I'm just moving to a different bureau, Liv. It's not a different country. And you'll still get to see me after work."

"It's not the same."

"Why not?"

Olivia shrugs. "You're the best ADA there is."

"And?"

"And" –Olivia stares down at her hands – "I dunno, Alex. I just…"

"Nothing's going to change, Liv."

Olivia looks up for the first time, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Are you sure?"

Alex nods, smiling widely. "Of course I am."

.


	54. Chapter 54

**Day 54: For once, her sleep wasn't dreamless.**

.

Continuation of Day 46

.

* * *

When she finally builds up enough strength to move from the kitchen floor to their bed, she collapses onto her back and stares up at the rotating blades of the ceiling fan.

The steady _whoosh whoosh whoosh _of the fan is entrancing, and by focusing on it, Olivia finds she is able to keep the tears and memories at bay, though not for very long.

Tears spill out of her eyes, crashing unceremoniously onto the bedding. She reaches into the pocket of her dress-blue trousers and pulls out her cellphone. Flipping it open, she scrolls through the pictures, smiling through her tears at the memory.

…

* * *

…

February 2003

Alex has been planning this long weekend for six months. When her alarm goes off at 5am, she is already out of bed and in the shower, leaving Olivia to launch herself at the offending things to shut it up.

She sits up slowly, leaning back against the headboard, and looks out the bedroom window at the still-dark sky. Groaning, she closes her eyes and lets her head fall back against the wall.

The bathroom door opens and bright light floods the bedroom. Alex walks out of the bathroom, dressed in her most-comfortable pair of jeans and a baggy sweater, and her hair is pulled up into a ponytail.

"Liv," Alex says, tossing Olivia's empty bag onto the bed, "time to get up."

"Don't wanna," Olivia mumbles, completely refusing to move. "Still dark."

Chuckling, Alex rolls her eyes. "C'mon, Liv. We have to leave in forty minutes if we want to make it there in time."

Olivia groans but relents and gets out of bed. "Can you get my jeans and the hoodie I like?" she asks, walking into the bathroom.

Smiling to herself, Alex sets the clothes on the bed.

The sweet feeling of domesticity fills her with a warmth she's never experienced.

…

* * *

…

Olivia sighs and wipes at her eyes. Standing up, she undresses quickly, hanging her dress blues on the closet door, and pulls on a t-shirt that smells like Alex and a pair of pajama pants.

Lying back on the bed, she presses a few buttons on her cellphone to get to her saved voicemails and smiles as a message from the week before plays loudly in the quiet room.

"Happy anniversary, Olivia Benson," Alex says. "We have reservations for 8:00 at that Italian place you like. I left your dress hanging on the closet door. I love you, Liv. See you tonight."

Restarting the message, Olivia closes her eyes and lets Alex's voice lull her into a dream-filled sleep.

Maybe, eventually, she'll find some peace.

.


	55. Chapter 55

**Day 55: The tiny beads sewn into her dress glittered in the lamplight.**

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Season 3, Episode 14: "Counterfeit"; January 14, 2002

.

* * *

Olivia sits at the bar of some fancy Midtown hotel, impatiently tapping her fingertips against the counter. She takes a sip of her drink and looks around the bar. With a sigh, she turns back to the counter.

She should've known allowing Munch to set her up on a blind date would be a bad idea.

Just as she is about to order another drink, a familiar voice says her name and catches her attention.

Alex is standing directly behind her, a tentative smile gracing her lips and a light blush covering her cheeks. "Fancy meeting you here."

Olivia shrugs, her gaze traveling over Alex's lithe form, from her well-fitting black slacks to her perfectly-tailored and ever-so-revealing light-blue dress shirt to the unbuttoned blazer billowing around her. She meets Alex's eyes and blushes deeply. "It was sort of a last minute thing."

Alex quirks her eyebrow and looks at Olivia's underrated black dress. "Last minute?" she asks, a smirk playing at her lips.

Olivia smiles self-consciously. "Munch set me up on a blind date."

Alex shifts her gaze away from Olivia. "I know."

"You know?"

Alex nods. "I can explain over dinner."

Suddenly, Olivia understands. "Munch set us up?" she asks, following Alex to a table in the restaurant.

"Yes," Alex says, pulling out Olivia's seat, "but only because I asked him to." She takes her seat and flips through the wine offerings handed to her by the waiter. After selecting a bottle, she looks up to meet Olivia's confused look and smiles sheepishly. "It was not my best plan, I'll admit it."

The candle in the middle of the table flickers, light bouncing off the tiny beads sewn into the neckline of Olivia's dress.

Olivia reaches across the table and places her hand on Alex's. "You should've just asked," she says, smiling. "I would've said yes."

.


	56. Chapter 56

**Day 56: I will always love you, but this is for the best.**

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Mid-season 4; January 2003

.

* * *

"You're running a fever of over 102, Alex. You're not going to work," Olivia says, gently pushing Alex back onto the couch and covering her with a blanket from the hall closet.

"I feel fine," Alex insists, sitting up as if she is trying to prove her point. A sudden wave of dizziness forces her to lie back down.

Olivia looks at her pointedly. "You feel fine?"

"A minor setback."

Olivia rolls her eyes. "I already called Donnelly, Al. She doesn't want you coming in today."

Alex groans and curls up on the couch, pulling the blanket tightly around her. "You can't just call my boss, Liv."

"She was at our wedding, Alex."

"She's still my boss."

"Whatever." Olivia shakes her head. "The point it: You have the flu and you are not leaving this couch until you're feeling better."

"Liv–"

Olivia sighs. "Just…just do this for me, Alex. Okay? Just do this for me. You're sick and I know how dedicated you are to your job, but with a fever this high, there's no way you're at the top of your game. So just relax and drink plenty of fluid. With any luck, you'll be better in a couple days."

Alex sighs, the little strength she had final leaving her body. "Fine," she says, "but only because I love you."

Olivia smiles and wanders off to the bathroom. She comes back a moment later wearing one of those masks from the hospital.

Alex just glares at her.

"I love you," Olivia says, her smile showing in her eyes, "but I can't afford to get sick."

"Ass."

.


	57. Chapter 57

**Day 57: The sky was gray the day they put her in the ground, and for once I missed the sun.**

.

October 23, 2019

TW: Death

.

* * *

The sky is gray with heavy clouds, dimming the vibrant colors of the crisp autumn morning. A sea of navy blue and black surrounds the rosewood coffin, standing at attention with solemn expressions on their faces.

Alex stands at the front of the crowd; Calvin, just shy of 21 years old, stands to her right, and Jason, Alex and Olivia's 9-year-old son, stands stoically to her right, tightly clutching his mother's hand.

Alex's steady stream of tears does not stop throughout the entire ceremony. They well-up and spill out of her eyes, falling to the ground with altering their path. They cloud and blur her vision, though she feels that is for the best; this is not a day she wants to see clearly.

Her tears only worsen as the Honor Guard starts the 21-gun salute.

Calvin takes her hand, squeezing it lightly. The gesture provides her with just enough comfort to quell the tears ever so slightly.

The relief is only temporary, however, for Taps is played after the 21-gun salute ends.

Then it is the moment Alex has been dreading since she went over the funeral plans with Captain Cragen.

The Final Call Radio Ceremony.

The Honor Guard commander tunes the radio by the casket to a special station and the attendees wait in complete silence until the dispatcher's voice crackles through the radio.

"Four-Zero-One-Five."

The silence as the dispatcher waits for a reply that will never come settle over the crowd like a heavy fog.

"Four-Zero-One-Five."

Alex keeps her gaze focused on her feet as tears spill over again. Beside her, Calvin is struggling to keep his composure, while Jason has already lost his. Alex squeezes Jason's hand, but he refuses to look up at her.

"Four-Zero-One-Five."

There is not a dry eye in the crowd. Alex looks up, making eye contact with Elliot for the first time since The Worst Day.

"Four-Zero-One-Five is on her final assignment in Heaven and will be 10-7 forever. Four-Zero-One-Five, you will be missed. We will take it from here."

It is then that Alex falls apart.

.

Note: 10-7 is the code for End of Shift/Tour/Watch


	58. Chapter 58

**Day 58: I'm not running from anything.**

.

After Season 11, "Witness"

.

* * *

"What are you running from?" Owen Cabot asks, falling backward onto his sister's couch and propping his feet up on her coffee table. He snatches the tv remote from Alex's hand and changes the channel to some movie Alex knows he's seen a dozen times.

Alex sighs and shakes her head, reaching forward to push her brother's feet off the table. "I'm not running."

"You gotta do better than that, Al," Owen says. "Something spooked you and now you're running. Just like Dad."

"Don't bring him into this, Owen."

"Why not? You're doing the same thing he did, aren't you?"

"That's not fair."

Owen shrugs. "Life's not fair."

Alex closes her eyes and rubs her hands over her face. "I'm not running from anything."

"Then what would you call packing up and moving to an entirely different continent?"

Alex shrugs. _Running_, she thinks. "Work," she says. "It's complicated."

"Why?"

"I don't…know how to be the woman I was before WitSec, Owen. I can't be the woman she fell in love with."

Owen stands up and helps himself to a beer from Alex's fridge. "You should tell her," he says, taking a sip of his beer. "This isn't what you normally drink."

Alex shakes her head. "It's Olivia's."

"You have her beer in your fridge, but you refuse to talk to her?"

Alex nods. "That sounds about right."

Owen shakes his head and turns back to continue watching his movie. "You need to talk to her, Al."

Alex sighs and tucks her legs underneath herself. "I know."

.

* * *

AN: You guys are the best. Did you know that? The absolute best. Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback on chapter 57. I'm sorry it made you guys cry, I should've warned you that I cried while writing it.


	59. Chapter 59

**Day 59: This was meant to be.**

.

Same Universe as Day 55

AU; Loss didn't happen.

January 14, 2004

.

* * *

With a light chuckles and a shake of her head, Olivia finds herself sitting in the same seat at the same fancy Midtown hotel and wearing the same dress as that fateful night two years earlier. Leaning against the bar, she takes a sip of her drink, staring intently at the door.

She makes a mental note to send Munch on vacation to thank him for setting her up on a blind date.

Just as she is about to order another drink, a familiar voice says her name and catches her attention.

Alex is standing directly behind her, a bright smile gracing her lips and a light blush covering her cheeks. "Fancy meeting you here," she says.

Olivia smirks, mischief dancing in her brown eyes. Her gaze travels over Alex's lithe form, very obviously admiring Alex's red dress. She meets Alex's eyes and smiles confidently. "It was a last minute thing," she says with a slight shrug.

Alex quirks her eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of her lips. "Last minute?"

"Yeah" – Olivia sighs wistfully and glances at the door – "I was supposed to be meeting someone here, but I seem to have been stood up." She sighs again and looks at Alex, her eyes sparkling.

Alex's resulting laugh is full-bodied and full of life; it creates a warmth that spreads from Olivia's heart to her fingertips and down to her toes, even after two years. "What kind of person could stand you up?" Alex asks.

"I don't know," Olivia says. "Maybe you know her? She's tall, blond, has the most amazing blue eyes."

Alex shakes her head, her blond curls shaking madly. "Keep up your jokes, Benson," she whispers, leaning in close to Olivia, "I dare you." She says it menacingly enough, and when she steps back, Olivia looks thoroughly silenced. "Happy anniversary, Liv."

"Happy anniversary, Alex."

.


	60. Chapter 60

**Day 60: It's gonna be a hard journey, but just believe me when I say it'll be worth it in the end.**

.

Continuation of Day 32

.

* * *

It is just after 10am on October 17, 1999, and Olivia has just closed a case that has kept her awake for the past 51 hours. She is completely drained of all her energy, but as she enters the hospital and takes the elevator to the fourth floor, she feels a renewed sense of purpose and that gives her a sudden boost.

It is 237 steps from the elevator to Alex's door. Olivia knows; she's paced this path more times than she cares to count.

When she gets to the room, Alex is already sitting up in bed. Some morning talk show plays quietly as background noise, but Olivia can tell Alex isn't paying attention.

Olivia knocks on the doorframe and smiles as Alex beckons her. She places a light kiss on Alex's lips then sinks into the chair by the bed with a relieved sigh.

"Long day?" Alex asks, reaching down and taking hold of Olivia's hand.

Olivia chuckles mirthlessly and runs her free hand through her hair. "You could say that," she says.

"How long has it been since you had something to eat?"

Olivia rubs the back of her neck. "I know I had lunch yesterday. Maybe dinner last night? I don't know, Al."

"You need to eat, Liv. And you need to sleep. I know you haven't slept in two days."

Olivia smiles sheepishly. "I'll sleep."

Alex looks at Olivia doubtfully. "When?"

"Tonight?"

"Sleep while I'm in surgery."

Olivia scoffs. "You know that won't happen."

Alex softly bites her bottom lip and looks down at their joined hands resting on the bed. "Are you worried?"

Olivia nods. "You're looking at a year of recovery time and that's if everything goes well."

"I know," Alex says. "We have a long road ahead of us, but it'll be worth it in the end." She takes a deep breath and releases it slowly, looking up to meet Olivia's eyes. "Are you prepared for this, Liv?"

Olivia smiles and nods resolutely. "Absolutely."

.


	61. Chapter 61

**Day 61: You have ink on your face.**

.

October 1, 2013

.

* * *

The sun rises at 6:52am on the cool morning of October 1, 2013; Alex has already been awake for hours.

It has been ten years since that cold October night.

She sits on the couch in her gray pajama pants and crimson Harvard t-shirt, staring blankly out the window at the vibrant red and orange accompanying the rising sun. Her now-cold coffee sits abandoned in an NYPD mug on the coffee table.

Leaning against the bedroom doorframe, Olivia sighs and watches Alex suffer through the torment from her inner demons.

"I already called," Alex says, turning her head to look at Olivia. Seeing her confused expression, Alex says, "The D.A.'s Office. They're not expecting me to go in today."

Olivia nods. "Cragen gave me the day off."

"You don't have to be here to watch me wallow in self-pity," Alex says, smiling self-deprecatingly.

Olivia shrugs and sits at the opposite end of the couch. She pats her leg and Alex stretches her legs out so her feet are resting on Olivia's thigh. "I was thinking we could go out today. It's been a while since we've both had a day off."

"I don't…" She trails off with a sigh and goes back to staring out the window.

"It's okay," Olivia says, running her fingertip up the middle of the bottom of Alex's foot. "We don't have to do anything." She looks up at Alex and smiles.

Alex, feeling eyes on her, looks over at Olivia, frowning. "What?"

Still smiling, Olivia shakes her head. "Nothing. You just…you have ink on your face."

Alex's brow wrinkles in confusion. "Where?"

"Under your left eye."

Alex reaches up and wipes underneath her right eye. "Is it gone?"

Olivia stifles a laugh. "Your other left."

This time, Alex gets it right. "Now is it gone?"

Olivia nods. A few minutes pass. "We can talk about it, Al, if you want," she says, no longer smiling.

Alex shakes her head. "We've spent ten years with it acting as the elephant in the room. Can we just ignore it today? Please?"

Olivia nods. "Of course."

Alex smiles – really smiles – for the first time since she woke up, and there are no words needed.

.


	62. Chapter 62

**Day 62: Don't ask a question you don't want the answer to.**

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Season 15, after "Internal Affairs"

.

* * *

Alex's hand shakes as she picks up her bottle and brings it to her lips. She doesn't taste the liquid as she takes a sip; she is too focused on the couple across the bar.

It is a Tuesday night and the bar is nearly empty. Normally, this would relax Alex, but tonight it only makes her anxious.

She sighs and goes to open another bottle, but a hand on her forearm stops her. She turns her head to see Serena staring at her.

"You have a class at 8am," Serena says. "Do you really want to try to teach while fighting a hangover?"

Alex looks at the three empty bottles already on the table and shakes her head. "Wouldn't be advisable," she says, reaching for the bottle of water instead.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Serena asks after a few minutes of watching Alex stare at the couple across the bar.

"There's nothing to talk about."

Serena quirks her eyebrow at Alex. "You don't typically drink on school nights, Alex."

Alex shrugs. "Things change."

Serena sighs, fed up with Alex's behavior. "I know Olivia's here tonight," she says.

Alex is careful not to show any reaction to hearing Olivia's name. "Yeah?"

Serena rolls her eyes. "I know you miss her, Al."

Alex sighs and runs her hand through her hair. "Why does it matter, Ser? She made her decision already." She reaches into her purse and throws some money on the table. "I have to go."

She almost makes it to the door when her name is called.

She turns around and looks at the woman reaching out to her, her eyes widening. "Olivia."

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	63. Chapter 63

**Day 63: She threw the empty hanger on the bed and slipped expertly into the dress.**

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Continuation of Day 62

.

* * *

"It's only dinner," Alex says to the empty room. "You've done this a million times." She sighs and pushes aside her work suits in an attempt to find a decent dress. "Except it was always just the two of us, and now Cassidy's in the picture and they've moved into an apartment together."

Alex sighs again and falls backward onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She reaches for her cellphone, tempted to call Olivia to cancel, but hearing Olivia accept dejectedly would only make her hate herself.

She sighs a third time and walks back over to her closet. She pushes aside several suits and dresses and pulls out a form-flattering navy-blue dress. She had been saving it for a very special occasion, but finally resigned herself to the fact that that day would never come.

She tosses the hanger on the bed and slips expertly into the dress. Looking into her full-length mirror, she smiles and runs her hands over the dress. She slips on matching heels and grabs her purse just as the sound of a horn signals the arrival of her cab.

The ride to Olivia's new apartment takes considerably less time than she was anticipating, and when the cabbie stops in front of the building, Alex nearly tells home to take her back.

But promises are promises.

The elevator ride is silent except for the loud pounding of her heart. When the door opens, she has to will herself to step out.

_It's just dinner, Cabot_, she thinks. _You've done this a million times. It's going to be fine._

But then the door is open and Olivia is greeting her with a hug and Alex thinks she is going to pass out.

They are already in the apartment, each holding a glass of wine, by the time Alex realizes Olivia is speaking.

"Brian picked up an extra shift tonight," Olivia says, "so he won't be joining us."

Now Alex is sure she's going to pass out. "So it's just us?"

Olivia nods. "I was surprised you agreed to come to dinner."

Alex shrugs. "So am I, honestly."

Olivia looks up, making eye contact with Alex, but does not smile. "I miss you, Alex."

That is all Alex needs to hear. She's sure she means to tell Olivia the same thing, but what comes out is drastically different. "I'm still in love with you, Olivia."

.


	64. Chapter 64

**Day 64: Think about me once in a while, will you?**

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Continuation of Day 63

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* * *

No. No no no no no.

This isn't happening.

Alex blinks. The tension settles over them like a blanket. Olivia stands frozen, her wineglass halfway to her mouth.

Olivia moves first. She sets her glass on the table and sinks into a chair. "Alex," she says.

Alex does not sit down. "I…No…Shit…Liv." She groans, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry," she offers lamely. "When I saw you with Cassidy at the bad the other night…I was…angry. And lonely."

"Is that why you agreed to dinner?"

"No! No, I…You…I was a little drunk and there you were. And I could never say no to you."

"So this is my fault?"

"No." Alex shakes her head. "I couldn't get you back."

Olivia runs her hand through her hair. "Jesus, Alex, think about me once in a while, will you? Every time you left it was devastating."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix everything, Alex."

"I don't know what else to say."

"Then don't say anything." Olivia breathes in deeply and releases it slowly. "I think I'd like you to leave, Alex."

Alex nods and chews her bottom lip. "I'm sorry," she says again, closing the door behind her. Once in the hallway, she slumps against the wall and vows to make it right with Olivia.

Inside, Olivia finishes her wine and rests her head in her hands. She feels like someone is ripping open her chest and pulling out her heart. _I'm still in love with you too, Alex._

.


	65. Chapter 65

**Day 65: That is a very painful looking rash.**

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Continuation of Day 45

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* * *

"Don't touch anything," Alex says, opening the door to their hotel room.

Olivia follows behind her, sulking like a child who was just told no for the first time. Her arms, hands, and neck are covered in pink calamine lotion.

Alex walks straight to the bathroom and sets her bag from the pharmacy on the counter. She turns on the water and fills up the bathtub. She dumps the packet of anti-itch soothing bath treatment into the tub, and then calls Olivia in.

Olivia walks in, looking more upset and irritated with each step. Frowning, she stares at the bathtub.

Alex sighs. "What?"

"I don't wanna."

"You're not five, Liv. Besides, you're the one that decided to roll around in poison ivy."

"I didn't roll around in it."

Alex shakes her head. "Get in the tub; you'll feel better."

Olivia scrunches up her nose and considers it. Finally, she relents and strips off her clothes. She sinks into the tub with a relaxed sigh.

Alex slips out of the room unnoticed and calls down to order room service.

When Olivia steps out of the bathroom half an hour later, their dinner is already there and Alex is waiting for her with a bottle of anti-itch lotion.

Olivia smiles sheepishly and sits in the chair next to the bed. "I'm sorry," she says, rubbing the lotion on her neck and arms.

Alex shakes her head. "It's just poison ivy, Liv."

"It kinda ruins our honeymoon."

Alex grins. "I guess we'll just have to have another one then, won't we?"

.


	66. Chapter 66

**Day 66: Go back upstairs and put on the clothes I laid out for you.**

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Early November 2001

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* * *

Olivia's smile fades to a look of incredulity as soon as Alex opens her apartment door. "C'mon, Alex," she says. "You gotta be kidding me."

Alex's brow wrinkles in confusion. "What?"

"You can't wear that" – Olivia gestures to Alex's stylish jeans and sweater – "rock climbing. We went over this yesterday."

"I didn't know you'd expect me to wear it on the drive there."

"It's leggings and a t-shirt, Alex."

"And sneakers without socks, Liv. Sneakers. Without. Socks."

Olivia rolls her eyes and sighs. "Is your stuff packed?"

Alex picks up the black duffel bag by the door and smiles. "I packed everything on the list last night."

"Are you sure you want to change when we get there? The bathrooms are pretty gross."

"That's okay." Alex smirks, her eyes twinkling. "I can change in the car."

Olivia blinks several times, all comprehensive thoughts fleeing her minds. She manages to nod at Alex's quirked eyebrow.

Alex chuckles and takes Olivia's hand, leading her out of the apartment. "Pick your jaw up off the floor, Benson, and wipe the drool off your chin. You need to be on your toes if you plan on rock climbing today."

Olivia shakes her head and shoots a glare at Alex. "I hate you," she says.

Alex laughs. "You love me."

Olivia just nods.

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	67. Chapter 67

**Day 67: Morning sunlight glinted through the glass, pink and pale gold.**

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Continuation of Day 64

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* * *

Early morning sunlight – light pink and pale gold – streams in through the window at the head of the bed.

Alex wakes slowly, well-aware of the person curled up against her, but relishing in the warmth radiating off her companion. She opens her eyes and smiles down at the woman next to her. Very carefully, she pushes strands of brown hair off the other woman's face, eliciting a sleepy smile.

"Good morning, Olivia Benson," Alex whispers, placing a kiss to the top of Olivia's head. To her amazement, Olivia doesn't tense up or pull away. "How'd you sleep?"

Olivia sighs contentedly and presses her body closer to Alex's. "Better than I have in a while."

Alex begins to smile, then promptly stops as she remembers what Olivia told her the night before. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for."

Alex sighs. "I feel guilty."

"You don't need to." Olivia leans up, partially hovering above Alex. Alex is careful to keep eye contact. "You didn't cheat on me, Al; Brian did."

"He'll never find anyone better than you," Alex whispers, reaching up to trace Olivia's jaw.

Olivia closes her eyes, smiling softly at Alex's soft touch. "I'm sorry," she says, "for kicking you out those few months ago. I didn't…I was scared and angry."

"I know, Liv. Don't worry about it."

Olivia opens her eyes and gently bites her bottom lip. "I'm not afraid anymore, Alex. I know what I want."

"What's that?"

"You. Forever. If you'll have me."

Alex smiles widely. "I'll have you."

.


	68. Chapter 68

**Day 68: There is a line you just don't cross.**

.

Season 4, Episode 7, "Dolls"; November 7, 2002

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* * *

Alex runs her hand through her hair forcefully, the bottoms of her gray sweatpants sweeping the floor as she paces the length of the room. The tension rolling off of her is suffocating.

Olivia sits cross-legged on the couch, her hands wrapped around a hot mug of coffee. She follows Alex's movements with her eyes.

"I don't regret what happened last night," Alex says, pausing in her pacing.

Olivia nods. "But?"

Alex sighs and runs her hand through her hair, resuming her pacing. "But it can't happen again. We crossed a line, Liv, that wasn't supposed to be crossed."

"What line would that be?"

Alex stops pacing and rests her hands on the back of the couch opposite Olivia. "You know exactly which line it is, Olivia."

"Relax, Al," Olivia says, smiling softly up at Alex. "You're going to give yourself a stress migraine."

Alex sighs and launches herself over the back of the couch, landing on the seat with a soft thud. "Part of me hates that you know me so well."

Smirking, Olivia shrugs. "That's what friends do."

And Alex has to smile. "Last night doesn't change anything, does it?"

Olivia shakes her head. "C'mon, Alex, you know me better than to think I would let one little indiscretion change everything." She smiles, and under her breath she adds, "No matter how badly I want it to."

Alex sits up and stares at Olivia, obviously deep in thought. "Liv," she says.

Olivia looks up from her coffee cup, meeting Alex's eyes. "Yeah?"

"What if I wanted it to change everything?"

"Do you?"

"I do. Would you be on board with that?"

"Yeah," Olivia says, smiling. "Yeah, I would."

.


	69. Chapter 69

**Day 69: I let myself imagine she was you**

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Ghost

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* * *

"She looked like you," Olivia says, wrapping her arms around herself to hold her broken pieces in place, and staring out the window of the safe house. She does not turn around to see Alex's hurt expression. "She smelled like you too. Hell, she even sounded like you – though that could've been in my mind."

Olivia sighs, hugging herself tighter. "I missed everything about you, Alex. Sometimes, after she'd fallen asleep and before I left, I would close my eyes and it would be your bed I was in. I would get so lost in that fantasy that I would panic when I opened my eyes."

She turns around, a few stray tears streaking down her face, and takes in the sight of Alex curled up on the bed. Her heart fills with warmth and belonging so powerful it almost knocks her off her feet. "We were out getting coffee when she left me. I ordered for you and called her by your name, and she left me standing in the middle of the café with two coffees. I was relieved, honestly. It was easier to deal with the constant reminders of you when I was alone."

She crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed, taking hold of Alex's hand. To her relief, Alex does not pull away. "I missed you something fierce, Alex. And now you're here and you refuse to talk to me."

Her hand still locked with Olivia's, Alex sits up and rests her free hand on Olivia's cheek. "What's left to say, Liv?"

Olivia shrugs. "You're leaving after the trial, aren't you?"

Alex nods. "It's for the best."

"For who?"

Olivia shakes her head and quickly pulls away from Alex. "Fine," she says, distancing herself to start rebuilding the walls Alex knocked down. "Fine. I'll stay here tonight and transfer custody over to the Feds in the morning."

"Liv, don't–"

"Just don't, Alex, okay?" Olivia rubs her tired eyes and moves to the other bed. "Good night, Alex," she says, switching off the light.

"Good night, Olivia."

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	70. Chapter 70

**Day 70: Can we talk about this later?**

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Season 14, Post "Dreams Deferred"; late November 2012

.

* * *

Olivia slips of her Kevlar vest, tightly securing the straps over her shoulders and around her midsection. She checks her gun, chambering a round, and then holsters it. Out of habit, she pulls out her phone and sends a text to Alex.

"_**Hey, Ice Princess." **_It is a code of sorts to let Alex know she is headed into possible danger.

Less than a minute later, Alex's response comes in: _**"Hey back, Crusader of Justice."**_

Stifling a laugh and feeling much less nervous, Olivia smiles and stows her phone back in her pocket. She puts her badge on the chain and hangs it around her neck before slipping on her blue NYPD jacket.

"Somethin' funny, Liv?" Nick asks, shrugging on his own jacket.

Olivia blushes as the rest of the squad turns to look at her. "Alex," she says with a shrug. She tosses the keys to Nick and heads for the door.

Nick and Amanda share a skeptical look before Nick jobs out of the squadroom to catch up to his partner.

An hour and a half later, Alex is pacing the length of her office, tightly clutching her cellphone. Her heels sit abandoned under her desk and her glasses sit atop a stack of case files.

The knock at her door startles her. She rips the door open and drops her phone on the ground. With a loud gasp, she pulls Olivia into her office, slamming the door behind her.

Olivia stands completely still in the middle of the room as Alex catalogues her injuries.

"Black eye, bloody nose, split lip, cut and bleeding knuckles. Your jacket is ripped; are you cut?" Without waiting for an answer, she helps Olivia out of the jacket and tosses it onto the couch. She carefully inspects both of Olivia's forearms. "Surface cuts on both forearms, defensive in nature."

Olivia chuckles, and Alex looks at her sternly. "What?" Alex asks.

"Nothing," Olivia says, smiling. "You're cute when you become Doctor Alex."

"Well, years of you getting injured seems to have taught me a thing or two."

"We can talk about my injuries later," Olivia says, pulling Alex into a loose embrace. "For now, I just want to hold you."

Alex sighs contentedly. "You should've called to warn me."

"That wouldn't have been any fun."

Alex rolls her eyes. "You're an idiot."

Olivia laughs. "Yeah, but I'm your idiot."

.


	71. Chapter 71

**Day 71: We were just getting to the exciting part!**

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Present-day teenage Cabenson; August 20, 2013

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* * *

The light of the full moon illuminates the deserted beach. Fog crawls over the sand, creeping slowly up toward the sidewalk. Waves crash gently on the shore.

It is the picture of serenity.

Alex and Olivia lay on a blanket, staring out at the scene. Alex rests her head on Olivia's shoulder, the stead beating of Olivia's heart acting as a lullaby. Olivia gently runs her fingertips up and down Alex's side.

Alex presses a kiss to Olivia's collarbone. "What are you thinking about?"

"See those stars?" Olivia asks, pointing up to the sky with a trembling hand and tracing the shape of a big spoon with a crooked handle. Alex nods against her. "That's the Big Dipper."

Alex rolls onto her back and looks up at the sky. The light of the moon shines on her, giving her a heavenly glow, and Olivia has this sudden uncontrollable urge to kiss her.

But Alex beats her to it.

Propped up above Olivia, Alex leans down and presses their lips together. This kiss, far from being their first, is perfect.

It is the merging of two souls.

It is the crashing of waves on the shore.

It is everything.

When Alex pulls back, she is grinning and her whole body is buzzing. "I love you," she says.

Olivia tries to speak, but, after one look at Alex, the words die on her lips. She flips them over so Alex is on her back and smiles. "I love you."

.

* * *

AN: alright, everyone, we're all caught up again. I guess it's back to posting one per night again. Thank you for reading!


	72. Chapter 72

**Day 72: When you wake up, things will be better.**

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Continuation of Day 60

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* * *

Olivia is jolted awake at 3:12 on the afternoon of October 17, 1999 by the sound of equipment being wheeled around Alex's room. She bolts upright in her cot in the corner and rubs the remnants of sleep from her eyes.

"Good afternoon," Alex says brightly, smiling at Olivia from her bed.

"What's goin' on?" Olivia asks groggily.

"They're taking me to pre-op in fifteen minutes."

Olivia sighs and crosses the room, sitting on the edge of Alex's bed. She takes hold of Alex's hand and looks up to catch her eye. "Everything's gonna be fine."

Alex smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I know, Liv," he says. "I'm not worried about it."

Olivia quirks her eyebrow, but Alex refuses to meet her eyes. "Okay," Olivia says, not sounding convinced. She stands up and presses a kiss to Alex's forehead. "I'm going to be right here when you wake up. Okay?"

Alex nods. "Don't be so worried, Liv. It's only up from here."

"I know." Olivia smiles. "I'll see you soon."

Olivia watches as Alex is wheeled out of the room by a set of interns. As soon as Alex is out of sights, she picks up the packet the surgeon left earlier and collapses onto her cot to read through it.

Every new sentence fills Olivia with dread. By the time she is finished reading the packet, she is sick with worry.

Olivia shudders at the thoughts running through her mind. _The procedure has less than a 30% chance of working and even if it does work, there's at least a year of recovery time. _

Hours later, long after Olivia has forced herself to eat dinner and taken a nap and paced the hallway a few dozen times, Alex is brought back into the room.

"She'll be out until morning," Dr. Blake says.

Olivia nods. "How'd it go?"

"The procedure itself went well," she says, glancing at Alex, "but we won't know how well until she wakes up."

Olivia nods her thanks and Dr. Blake leaves, closing the door behind her.

Just after six the next morning, Olivia wakes up to a soft whimpering coming from Alex's bed. She stands up and wraps her arms around Alex as best she can.

"It didn't work, Liv," she whispers. "I can't move my legs."

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	73. Chapter 73

**Day 73: That is the worst haircut I have ever seen.**

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A while ago, Bkwrmchar asked for a Christmas Morning themed story. Since I haven't gotten to it yet, I thought "No better time since the present, especially since that last chapter was so rough." So, Bkwrmchar, this one's for you.

.

December 24, 2012

.

* * *

Alex falls dramatically into the chair next to Olivia's desk, and sighs. "C'mon, Liv," she says, "it's Christmas Eve. I'm sure Rafael isn't expecting your 5s tonight."

Before she has a chance to respond, Olivia's phone chimes with an incoming text and Olivia frowns at the message. "Amanda just texted me," she says. "City's shut down due to the snow."

"What do you mean 'shut down'?"

"No buses or taxi service. It's pointless for them to dispatch plows until the snow stops; it's just coming down too hard and too fast."

"So we're stuck here?"

Olivia nods. "At least until the snow stops."

Alex sighs. "We were supposed to have dinner with my dad."

Olivia rolls her chair in front of Alex's and leans forward to press a kiss to Alex's lips. "We'll call him. You know he'll understand."

Alex crosses her arms over her chest and sulks in her chair. "This wouldn't have happened if we had left when I got here."

"The snow isn't my fault, Alex."

"I know," Alex says. She opens the bottom drawer of Olivia's desk and pulls out the photo album Olivia keeps there to pass the time.

The first few pictures are of Olivia with her mother. These are some of Alex's favorites because, though their relationship was more than complicated, it is clear in these pictures that Serena loved Olivia very much.

Alex quickly flips through the album, stopping when she finds the photo she is looking for – the one that never fails to make her smile.

The picture was taken twelve years ago, shortly after the squad had returned to the precinct after following a lead that brought them to a rave. Olivia was still in the outfit she wore to the rave – complete with the pacifier hanging around her neck.

Alex laughs, and Olivia looks up from her paperwork. "What?" she asks, her lips turning down in a frown.

Alex looks up, meeting Olivia's eyes. "This is the worst haircut I've ever seen."

Chuckling, Olivia rolls her eyes. "Oh shut up."

.


	74. Chapter 74

**Day 74: Well, it's not Shakespeare or anything, but I guess it's decent.**

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Season 13, "Theatre Tricks"; December 15, 2011

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* * *

Dates do not make Alex Cabot nervous. No, Alex Cabot is calm and cool and collected and always in control. Dates do not make her nervous.

So, why, then, as she stands at Olivia's apartment door, are the palms of her hands sweating? Why is her heart palpitating? Why are her legs shaking? And why does she suddenly find it hard to breathe when Olivia opens the door?

She takes a deep breath and thrusts the bouquet of mixed tulips into Olivia's hands. Olivia takes out the card and smiles as she reads the poem written on it.

Alex blushes a deep red. "It's certainly not Shakespeare or anything, but…" She shrugs, trailing off.

Olivia smiles widely. "I love it, Alex, thank you." She grabs a vase from the cabinet, fills it with water, places the flowers in it, and sets it on the counter. "Ready to go?" she asks. Alex nods.

The walk to the car and the subsequent ride to the ice skating rink it silent, save for the awkward small talk they attempt to make.

When they reach their destination, Alex has turned off the car and is at Olivia's door before Olivia even unbuckles.

Olivia chuckles and gets out of the car. Then, in a move that surprises the both of them, Olivia reaches out and links her hand with Alex's. They look down at their joined hands, then promptly look away, smiling like teenagers.

Olivia learns quickly that Alex is an amazing skater. She glides and spins and jumps and moves like she was born to skate. She is elegance and grace, and Olivia feels herself thoroughly enjoying watching from the sidelines.

Alex glides over to her, face flushed and smile wide, and sits on the bench. Slipping off her skates, she pulls on her boots and stands up. "You should've come out onto the ice with me, Liv."

Olivia shakes her head, but is interrupted by her cellphone before she gets a chance to respond. She listens intently and sighs as she hangs up the phone. "Duty calls," she says. "I had a great time tonight, Alex. Do it again?"

Alex nods enthusiastically. "Sure. Call me when you get the chance?"

"You know it."

.


	75. Chapter 75

**Day 75: Her skin smelled like spring – crisp and flowery, like morning sunshine and a whole field of wildflowers. **

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Guest's Prompt: "Liv has a hobby: she draws. And now she asks Alex to be her model…her nude model."

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College AU; November 10, 2013

.

* * *

One minute, they are enjoying a Sunday Movie Marathon, complete with popcorn and cuddling on the couch; the next, Olivia is pausing _Titanic_ and running to her bedroom to find her sketchbook and pencils.

Used to these antics from her girlfriend, Alex just waits patiently for Olivia to return to her spot on the couch.

Which is exactly what she does just a few seconds later.

Olivia drops her sketchbook on the coffee table and reclaims her spot right behind Alex. Alex smiles and leans back into Olivia's embrace, gasping softly as Olivia's cold hands snake under her t-shirt and come to a rest on her bare stomach. Olivia places a kiss to the spot just below Alex's ear and nuzzles against Alex's neck, breathing in deep; Alex smells like spring – crisp and flowery, like morning sunshine and a whole field of wildflowers.

"Let me draw you," Olivia whispers.

Alex groans. "We talked about this, Liv."

"A year ago."

"My answer hasn't changed."

"You're gorgeous, Alex; you deserve to be captured in all mediums."

Alex blushes deeply. "Haven't you drawn me enough?"

"Not like this," Olivia says. She presses a kiss to Alex's neck, knowing that it's the fastest way to get what she wants. "Please, Alex. I swear no one will ever see it."

Lightly chewing on her bottom lip, Alex sighs. Standing up, she slowly strips off all her clothes. "Where do you want me?"

Olivia picks up her sketchbook and moves to the chair across from the couch. "Just lay on the couch."

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	76. Chapter 76

**Day 76: That's a lot of pillows.**

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Continuation of Day 72

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* * *

She is released from the hospital just before 9:00am on the morning of December 18, 1999.

"Remember, Officer," her physical therapist says as he wheels her through the hospital corridors, "you have PT on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays."

"I know," Alex grumbles, drumming her fingers against her thighs, eager to get out of the hospital that has been her home for the last four months.

"And be sure to take it easy during your off days. You don't want to overexert yourself and ruin the considerable amount of progress you've made in the past two months."

Alex sighs and looks to her right at the set of forearm crutches Olivia is carrying. "I know," she says exasperatedly. "Trust me, this is the last place I want to be. I'm not gonna reinjure myself just to get stuck here again."

Her physical therapist lets out a booming laugh and claps her shoulder. "Well, Cabot," he says, stopping in front of the sliding doors, "are you ready for the real world again?"

Alex laughs. "Are you kidding me? I've been ready for this since the day I was admitted."

"That's what I like to hear."

They wait in silence as Olivia runs ahead to get the car. As soon as Alex sees the unmarked pull up in front of the hospital, her stomach feels like it is doing somersaults.

"It's okay to feel nervous," her physical therapist says in a voice so low Alex isn't sure she really heard it at all.

Alex nods her head absently as a sudden burst of cold air washes over her. She is wheeled out of the hospital and helped into the cruiser.

The ride to Olivia's apartment is silent. Olivia turns the radio on and sings along absently to some top 40 song. Alex stares out the window, deep in thought.

They arrive at Olivia's building and Olivia pulls Alex's wheelchair out of the trunk of the car. Alex gets out of the car carefully, sighing as she settles into her wheelchair. She allows Olivia to wheel her to the apartment, but only because she is far too tired to do it herself.

When Olivia opens the door, Alex has to laugh. Olivia smiles, rubbing the back of her neck.

There are at least fifteen pillows of various sizes covering the couch.

"Liv, why are there so many pillows on your couch?"

"Your physical therapist said you might need them." Olivia shrugs. "I wasn't sure which ones you prefer, so I bought them all."

Shaking her head, Alex smiles. "You never fail to amaze me, Olivia Benson."

.


	77. Chapter 77

**Day 77: I can't talk to you right now.**

.

Prompt from HKS: "How about one where Alex and Olivia have a fight and then resolve it by the end?"

Here you are, HKS. I hope I did your prompt justice!

.

Season 4, Episode 6: "Angels"

.

* * *

Olivia slams her hand down on the kitchen table, turning to point an accusatory finger at Alex. "I don't know what your problem is, Alex, but you need to stop taking it out on me."

"My problem?" Alex yells, slamming the apartment door behind her. "You're pissed because I had dinner with Trevor."

The tips of Olivia's ears go red. "In that dress."

"You're serious, Liv? Really? You're upset over the dress I chose?" Alex scoffs. "Did you think I was trying to seduce him?"

Olivia's quirked eyebrow is the one answer Alex needs.

"Right," she says. "I can't…I can't be around you right now."

Alex shakes her head, turning toward the bedroom door. Olivia's hand closes around her bicep, whirling her around. Alex's gaze travels from Olivia's hand to her face. There is nothing but fire in Alex's eyes.

"Let me go, Olivia," Alex says, her voice like venom.

Olivia drops her hand immediately. "Shit. Alex. I didn't…I'm sorry."

But Alex has already disappeared into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her.

Olivia groans and flops face-first onto the couch.

She is awoken hours later by the light from the bathroom. Slightly disoriented, she stumbles toward it, leaning against the doorframe as she remembers the events of the night.

"I'm sorry," she offers lamely. "Did I hurt you?"

Alex finishes brushing her teeth and washing her face before she acknowledges Olivia. "You didn't."

"I would never." Olivia shakes her head. "I love you, Alex, so much, and I'm just so afraid." She sighs, hanging her head in disgust with herself. "I can leave if you want me to."

"No," Alex says, shaking her head vehemently. "No one's leaving. Couples fight, Liv, you know that. Hell, we've had hundreds of fights. What makes this one so different?"

"I could've hurt you."

"But you didn't."

"I could've," Olivia yells, pushing her hand through her hair roughly. "I could've."

"I trust you, Liv," Alex says, kissing her softly, "implicitly. I know you'd never hurt me."

"But—"

"No."

"Alex—"

"Implicitly, Olivia Benson. End of story."

.


End file.
